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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29948652">The Art of Persistence</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerenaL/pseuds/SerenaL'>SerenaL</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Station 19 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Female Character, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Strangers to Lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:28:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,255</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29948652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerenaL/pseuds/SerenaL</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Maya Bishop and her Station 19 team rescue Carina DeLuca and her family from a fire and the two form an instant connection.<br/>Despite the obstacles in their way, their bond only strengthens, but is it enough?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maya Bishop &amp; Carina DeLuca, Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>340</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everybody! </p><p>So this idea just came to me one night and wouldn't go away. Before I knew what happened I had a whole outline for the story in my head so I decided to write it, if only to get it out lol.<br/>This is my first fanfic and I have no idea if it's any good, so some feedback would be much appreciated! Constructive criticism please. Anyways, I have a rough idea where I want to take this but nothing is set in stone so feel free to tell me where you'd like this to go. </p><p>Can't wait for March 11th!! </p><p>Stay safe y'all!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Even breaths. Eyes forward. Even pace. Eyes forward. </p>
<p>This mantra plays in a loop in her mind as it always does when she’s running. Her feet hit the floor at a regular, constant speed and she loses herself in the slight burn of her leg muscles and the air on her face. </p>
<p>“Hold up there, Bishop! You’re killing me. We’re not all Olympians, y’know” pants Vic to her left as she slows and stops, putting her hands on her knees and breathing harshly.</p>
<p>Maya slows down as well but doesn’t stop and instead starts jogging in wide circles around Vic “Come on Hugues, this is nothing! It’s all mental, you only think you can’t do it” she repeats the words she heard throughout her childhood as she moves into quick high knees. </p>
<p>Vic lifts her head, eyes rolling to the heavens as a drop of sweat trickles down her curly hair to her forehead: “Sure it is. Why run so early in the morning, the sun is barely up, and I should still be asleep. There are much better things to wake up that early for, if you know what I mean…” she replies, wiggling her eyebrows. </p>
<p>Maya always thought of herself as a serious, focused and determined person (she won a gold medal after all) however, being a firefighter meant that more often than not, she dealt with situations of life or death and needed to think fast and act faster in her job. That tended to make her grateful to make it out alive and needing to express that by indulging in a different kind of physical activity than presently. Sex was her form of self-care and like everything in her life, carefully scheduled and curated to achieve a specific goal.</p>
<p>“That was yesterday. Besides, nothing beats a good ol’ morning run” Maya states as she resumes her run, albeit at a slightly slower pace, indulging Vic. </p>
<p>“If you say that, it means someone didn’t do their job right” Vic chuckles as she matches Maya’s pace. “Miss what’s-her-face from Station 12 no good or what?”</p>
<p>“I don’t kiss and tell. But I will say, she’s got good stamina” Maya answered as she leveled a sideways and suggestive smirk at Vic. </p>
<p>“Ohh, BBF!” Vic exclaimed.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Bonus of Banging a Firefighter” she explained as they rounded a corner and avoided colliding with a toddler on a tricycle and an exhausted-looking and stroller-pushing mother. </p>
<p>“You’d know all about that” Maya chuckled. “How’s it going with Ripley? I still can’t believe it!”</p>
<p>Vic had been having a passionate and illicit affair with Lucas Ripley, Seattle’s Fire Chief. The relationship was impossible due to his position as her (and well all of Settle’s firefighters’) superior, but they’d decided they wanted to be together regardless and he’d proposed and now they were happily engaged, although neither had officially announced it yet. </p>
<p>“It’s good. We’re not in a rush but we kinda are in a rush because of the shitstorm that’ll come down on us whether or not we rush to get married so yeah, it’s all a not-so-rush rush” Vic’s tone betrays her nervousness but her pace remains even, and Maya decides to redirect. </p>
<p>“It’ll all work out! And no matter what, you have your job. The best job! He’s more at risk than you are so just focus on fighting fires and the rest will work itself out.” Maya reassures. “And by then, the station will have a new Captain and I’ll make sure to keep our team together no matter what” she adds, her face breaking from its neutral façade to smile confidently and maybe a little haughtily. </p>
<p>Following their previous Captain’s retirement, Chief Ripley was their interim Captain at Station 19 until a new Captain was appointed. Maya was in the running for the position, along with her best friend Andy and her ex, Jack. As lieutenants, they were all automatically considered for Captain as well as other station’s lieutenants and had a series of written and physical tests to pass before a final interview determined their fate. </p>
<p>“Feeling confident there, Bishop” Vic states, grinning. </p>
<p>Their latest task was called “the Incinerator” and consisted of teams of 4 lieutenants with a rotating Captain position so they all got their shot at locating and rescuing a dummy in a controlled warehouse fire. </p>
<p>Maya and Jack had both done well, both able to recover their dummies and get their team out in impressive time. Andy, however, had struggled against the odds, being the last of their group to go in, meaning the structure had been compromised and a large beam ended up falling on the lieutenant from Station 42. After that, they’d had to call a mayday and vacate the premises as soon as possible without finding the dummy. </p>
<p>Since then, Andy had been understandably sour about the whole thing and refused Maya’s attempts at comfort, not even congratulating Maya and Jack on their own performances. Maya understood her reaction, but it still stung coming from her best friend, especially since she, herself, had always been Andy’s n°1 cheerleader. So, she decided to push that out of her mind and focus on her goal. </p>
<p>“Feeling determined as always” she answered. She recognized that corner up ahead of them and knew it meant the end was near. “Speaking off, this is the last stretch and we’re done!” </p>
<p>Ripley had organized a rotation with a different Shift-Captain for every shift between all 3 lieutenants at Station 19 - and next shift was Maya’s turn. She could not afford to be unfocused; this was her chance to prove she could be the best Captain and she wouldn’t let anything come between her and her goal. Eyes forward, the only thing that matters is the finish line, like her father would say. </p>
<p>“Can’t be late for my shift as Captain! Come on!!” she yelled, running full speed ahead.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>“You got this, kiddo! Job’s yours for the taking, you just have to want it hard enough”</p>
<p>Maya looked at her father’s text, smiling. Ever since Lane Bishop had been informed about the shift-Captain rotation, he had made it a point to know exactly when his daughter was shift-Captain and kept her motivated through texts and calls. </p>
<p>She made her way to the beanery, having changed in her uniform and looking for some much-needed caffeine.</p>
<p>Travis was already pouring himself a mug and she slid hers next to his, in an obvious hint. He smiled playfully and poured her coffee. “Sup’ Cap?”</p>
<p>She opened her mouth to respond when Andy, Miller and Warren came in, loudly discussing the benefits of drinking water in between every alcoholic drink to avoid getting drunk, with Dean firmly in favor of the practice. </p>
<p>“That’s just dumb because your body still takes in the alcohol hours after drinking so it amounts to the same thing” Warren insisted. </p>
<p>“Nope because water helps to literally water things down! So it’s not as much alcohol. Especially if you substitute the shot of tequila with a shot of water”</p>
<p>“And why would anybody do that?” Andy laughed. “If you don’t want to get drunk, know your limit and stop drinking is the point” she finished, nodding at Travis and Maya and joining them at the breakfast table. </p>
<p>“Montgomery! Bishop! Back me up here” Warren asked, looking at them expectantly. </p>
<p>“Oh eggs and bacon!” Dean’s smile lit up his face and he rubbed his hands together before throwing himself into a chair, grabbing a plate and helping himself to his favorite breakfast.  </p>
<p>“Sorry Warren” Maya chuckled, hungry herself and not wanting in on this particular debate. </p>
<p>“Go for it, kids! I’ve been slaving over this for the past.. 9 minutes maybe” announced Travis, merely raising an eyebrow at Miller’s chipmunk cheeks and the rest of them mauling the eggs and passing juice and coffee around. </p>
<p>“Yess. Hungry!” they all looked up to see Jack striding in, sitting himself at the head of the table, shoving a piece of bacon into his mouth and happily holding up the plate of bacon. </p>
<p>“Hand that over, Gibson” Miller took it from him and placed the plate in between himself and Andy. </p>
<p>Jack took the eggs offered by Travis and was shoving spoonfuls into his mouth when Vic walked in, complaining they started without her. Just as she was pulling back the chair next to Warren, the klaxon rang out. </p>
<p>“Engine 19, Ladder 19, Air Car 19…”</p>
<p>They all shoved one last bite into their mouths before rushing out, Vic complaining she didn’t have breakfast and throwing one last longing glance at the eggs before hurrying after the rest of her team.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As they neared the scene, Miller weaving them quickly through traffic and the familiar sound of sirens echoing out, Maya spotted faint smoke billowing out of a building window and she took a deep breath, mind focusing and senses sharpening - this was her arena.<br/>
As the engine came to an abrupt halt at the foot of the 5-story building, she tore open the door of the truck and jumped down, her boots hitting the floor with a soft thud.</p><p>“Alright everybody, the call was for reported smoke smell, I want to know exactly where this is coming from. Herrera, Miller, Gibson you’ve got the inside of the building, Montgomery, Hughes, perimeter. Warren, stand by with the aid car. Let’s go!” she ordered in her clear and confident Captain voice. </p><p>They all scattered at once, running in various directions while Maya grabbed the speaker from the engine, announcing the Fire Department’s arrival and asking occupants to leave the building. </p><p>She paced for a few minutes, getting the blueprints of the building and all relevant information on her tablet and then asking for an update, Gibson informing her they had killed the power and were spreading out through the building to cover more ground. </p><p>“Fire on the 5th floor!” she soon heard Andy yell into her com quicky followed by “We’re actively evacuating the building, working our way down”. </p><p>“Montgomery! Hugues! Hoses and hydrants.” Maya ordered as she finally saw people coming out of the lobby, sending Warren to make sure everyone was okay. They got the hose hooked up quickly “Montgomery, get that hose up to the 5th floor. Hughes stay back and help Warren.” </p><p>Meanwhile, Herrera was rapidly clearing units on the 4th floor west wing, banging on doors and hollering for occupants to leave. Miller had taken the east side and Gibson had just run down to the 3rd floor when she heard a man yelling for help by an opened apartment door and disappearing inside when she spotted him. She rushed in after him, only to be greeted by the sight of a very naked, very pregnant woman sitting in a blue kiddie pool in the middle of the living room, another woman and the man who’d called for help kneeling by her side.</p><p>“Mam’ there is a fire in the building, you need to evacuate right away” she huffed, dropping to one knee by the woman’s head. </p><p>“Yes and there is also a baby literally about to evacuate my body and I would like for my baby not to be born in this building’s staircase or anywhere between here and a hospital room so I just need a few minutes to push and then we’ll be on our way” she announced all in one breath, tight voice breaking into a shriek as she started to push, grabbing her husband’s hand in a death grip. </p><p>“No! No pushing! Mam’ we have to leave! There is help downstairs, they’ll take you to the hospital, everything is going to be okay” Andy looked around wildly, the smell of smoke was getting stronger, they had to move – fast – when her eyes settled on the brunette woman in front of her who looked to be some kind of birthing coach. </p><p>“We don’t have much time, she’s crowning.” she stated nervously, her nose wrinkling at the smell but she took a deep breath and seemed to center herself and focus on the pregnant woman, making calming motions with her hands.</p><p>“Sir, can you get back to the door and call for help, my colleague is on this floor, he’ll help us move her” Andy told the man who looked to be barely holding onto his sanity as he let go of the hand restraining him and rushed to the door, yelling for help. </p><p>Andy turned her attention to the pregnant woman, took her hand and spoke in her most calm, soothing voice “Mam’, what’s your name?” Andy asked. </p><p>“Allison” the woman answered in an exhale, head dropping forward and dark hair sticking to her sweaty forehead. </p><p>“Allison, I’m Andy. I know you’re scared, this is a crazy situation and not at all how you pictured this moment I’m sure, but guess what? My team and I are trained to handle these situations and we will get you out safely. But I need you to work with me and not push right now, okay?” </p><p>Allison choked back a sob and nodded. </p><p>“How long do we have until the baby comes?” she asked the other woman whose hand was currently performing some underwater exam Andy’s eyes avoided. </p><p>“Depends. It’s her first baby so there’s no telling really – it could be hours or minutes. I just got here, but she’s progressing fairly well and the more we wait the more difficult it’ll be to move her” the woman explained rapidly, removing her sweater and covering Alison’s chest. “I’m her neighbor, also an OB and I heard the screams when we were evacuating. Her birth-coach left. I couldn’t leave her too”.</p><p>Suddenly, Miller ran in, followed by the husband. “Ok, woman in active labor” she recapped “we don’t have time to send for a gurney. We need something to lay her down on, it’ll be easier to move her”.</p><p>“Maybe you can use the duvet of our bed. It’s strong material” the man spoke up, presumably running into the bedroom, followed by Dean. </p><p>Allison started grunting in pain when they came back, laying down the duvet by the pool and Miller and Herrera carefully lifted her out of the water and onto the blanket, covering her with more blankets from the sofa. </p><p>“I’ve got 3 civilians including a woman in labor on the 4th floor, we’re moving now. The smell is getting stronger here, where’s that hose?” Andy asked into her com.</p><p>“Ok everybody, let’s move” said Dean as the firefighters each grabbed two fistfuls of the makeshift gurney and made their way out of the apartment cautiously. </p><p>“On its way up now with Montgomery” came Maya’s voice from their station com. </p><p>Suddenly, everyone outside heard a resounding bang that blew off the top windows of the north side of the building and Maya’s blood ran cold, her heart pounding with adrenaline.<br/>
“Herrera, what happened?” No answer. “Miller, come in!” Time stood still as Maya waited desperately, willing her team to answer her. “Herrera! Miller! Do you copy?”</p><p>Eventually, Maya heard Andy’s strained voice explaining there was a smoke explosion on the 4th floor and they were caught in the blast. Andy stood up and shook Miller awake, both of them rushing off. </p><p>“Please, help us” they heard Allison whimpering from the floor. It seemed the blankets placed under her head had somehow cushioned her fall and she was conscious “Danny! Carina! Please” she sobbed as Andy checked her out. </p><p>“I’m here, Allison, I’m gonna help you” the lieutenant’s hands ran all over Allison, checking for injuries. “I need you to tell me if anything hurts particularly bad” </p><p>“Everything hurts” the pregnant woman gasped, her whole body tensing. Andy finished a quick physical check and besides the obvious labor, nothing was broken. </p><p>Behind Herrera, Miller was trying to wake Carina, the OB and then performing the same ABC checkup on her while calling on Danny to wake up when Gibson, who had been evacuating people one floor below, ran up to help. </p><p>Meanwhile, Montgomery was reaching the 4th floor with the hose and Gibson followed him after clearing Danny, while the others continued their journey to the ground floor with a gasping, moaning Allison whose labor had picked up. </p><p>“Dispatch, this is 19, requesting 2 additional aid cars and 1 additional engine”. Surveying the scene from outside, Maya grew more anxious and impatient with every passing second she didn’t see her team safely exit the building. </p><p>“Copy that 19. ETA is 4 minutes”</p><p>“Herrera, Miller, Aid cars are on their way. Just get down here” she reassured into her com. Looking around, she saw Warren treating some minor cuts and bruises and Vic placing an oxygen mask on an elderly man “Hughes, go up and help Miller and Herrera get the civilians out safely”. Vic looked up, nodded and ran in. </p><p>A few minutes later, just as the aid cars were pulling in, Maya saw Miller, Herrera and Hughes carrying out a grunting, heavily pregnant woman and transferring her to a gurney, quickly followed by another woman and man who seemed unharmed. </p><p>Maya exhaled and then directed her attention to the rest of her team, finding out they were successfully hosing down the fire – her body sagged with relief. </p><p>The good news spread and soon everyone seemed to breathe easier, knowing they had no casualties and Maya looked around, proud, seeing the husband - she assumed - join his pregnant wife by the gurney and the other woman running towards a man holding a baby around the triage area Warren had set up. </p><p>The contemplating feeling of accomplishment was broken by a wail of agony that abruptly brought Maya back to reality. </p><p>The pregnant brunette was screaming in agony, begging for drugs, a hospital and someone named Carina. The EMT on the scene administered some drugs but the woman kept struggling and screaming. </p><p>Maya saw Andy trying to calm her down and followed her eyeline to the pretty woman she had previously seen running towards a man and a baby as she untangled herself from them and rushed to the pregnant lady’s side. </p><p>“I’m here Allison!” she reassured. Alisson insisted on having Carina, who Maya figured was her OB, drive with her to the hospital as her husband was already loaded in another aid car and started getting hysterical when told she would meet her there because she had to be checked out and for security reasons, one aid car could only treat one patient. </p><p>Andy helped secure Allison before stepping away and waiving Maya closer “Captain, this is Doctor DeLuca” she said pointing at the tall pretty brunette standing by the gurney “she’s an OB, and was with Allison through the whole thing, she’s really kept her calm and I think she can continue to do that if you let her ride the same aid car to the hospital” Andy explained, looking at Maya expectantly. </p><p>Maya balked; they had actually done it a few times with doctors on scenes, but this particular doctor had been in an explosion and needed to be checked out before she could go doctoring away. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, she should really be checked out; in case anything happens” Maya said hesitantly, dragging her eyes from the doctor and looking pointedly at Andy. </p><p>The doctor, Carina, had been so focused on Alison and keeping her calm, she only just turned her head and looked at Maya and the blonde’s heart stuttered. She had beautiful eyes, the color of warm honey. </p><p>“You’re the Captain? Please, you have to let me be with my patient” she said in an accent Maya couldn’t place “Allison’s body has been through so much stress, she could go into shock any minute. I’m an OB with specific training to trauma situations, I can be there to handle anything. I also work at Grey Sloan, so it won’t be a problem when’s she’s admitted. And I will get myself checked out ASAP” she continued “Really, I’m saving you guys a trip and gas” she smiled, showing off a neat row of pearly white teeth. </p><p>Maya couldn’t help but smile back, astonished, one corner of her mouth lifting in agreement before she said “Okay, then. Let’s move everybody” and saw Carina jumping in, the aid car racing off to the hospital. The Captain stared after it and found herself hoping, perhaps for the first time, that she could find out how everything worked out for this group. </p><p>--</p><p>“Heads up, Bishop” Maya looks up, her right arm automatically grabbing the yellow rag Warren just sent flying at her and she wastes no time in wiping down the taillights of the big red fire engine in front of her. </p><p>It was a quiet shift with only aid car calls, so they’d all been doing chores around the station. Maya loved an organized, spotless environment so she wasn’t complaining, and the comfortable silence let her mind drift off to their last adrenaline-fueled call. </p><p>It had been three days, the A shift working their full 24 hours and then switching to teams B and C shift before it was back to their shift again, with Jack as Shift-Captain. </p><p>Maya had since wondered what had happened to Allison, her husband and the attractive OB Doctor DeLuca – she really hoped everyone was well and that she’d safely delivered her baby. But unfortunately, she’d never know. It was the way of her job. Her interactions with injured civilians were fleeting, meaningful in the moment maybe, but ultimately rooted in fear, blood and adrenaline and she never got to know how they fared after being treated, when and if they got to go home. It never really bothered her before. As long as she got them to the hospital in one piece, the rest was out of her hands. She admired doctors in that way, for their long-term dedication to their patient, following their every progress until they were sent home. She, herself, was more of an in-the-moment kind of woman, she didn’t have the patience for slow and steady.</p><p>“All done” the blonde stated proudly. “I’m gonna go get a workout in” her voice was playful as she walked backwards out of the garage and into the reception “Hughes! Wanna go lift some” her words caught in her throat “weights” she finished quietly as her eyes locked on a distinctive pair of dazzling honey-brown eyes. </p><p>“Hello Captain”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi guys!<br/>I was originally going to post this yesterday after the crossover but I needed a minute. I'm still in shock to be honest and I hope I'll find solace in fanfiction, at least in my own lol.<br/>So I have a lot of feelings but the main one is that killing Andrew was so unnecessary, his character was interesting and had a lot going on with his mental health and so much potential for storytelling, I don't understand it. They had him go out with a bang I guess so that's good and it fit his character but off all people to kill off, almost anyone else would have made more sense (don't get me started on the annoyances that are Maggie, Teddy, Owen and even Nico and Levi).<br/>I just hope Carina is able to overcome this and that Maya stands by her and it makes them stronger. </p><p>Would love to discuss in the comments if you feel like sharing your thoughts!</p><p>Stay safe!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“H-Hello” stuttered Maya dumbly. Well, that was unexpected. Get it together girl. “Hi, Doctor DeLuca. Uh, what are you doing here? Is-is everything okay?” Maya wondered, eyes moving back and forth between the Doctor and Vic, who was sitting at the desk. </p><p>“Si. Everything is good.” A soft smile. “I actually came by yesterday and didn’t recognize anyone. They told me to come back today – wrong shift apparently.”</p><p>“Doctor DeLuca here, wanted to come by and thank us for getting her out of that building last shift. And she brought tiramisu!” Vic explained, smiling and gesturing animatedly at the dish set in front of her. “It’s homemade tiramisu, made by an actual Italian, none of that frozen garbage we usually get!” So, she’s Italian, that explains the sweet accent, Maya thinks.</p><p>“Thank you” she offers politely. She feels the doctor’s eyes burning holes right through her as the brunette seemed to take her all in, honey-brown orbs travelling down to the blonde’s muscular body and back up to her face and ocean blue eyes, her stare intense and unblinking but her face soft somehow. It made Maya feel warm all over, and she walked up to Vic by the desk, trying to shake off the feeling. She swallowed, suddenly feeling thirsty “That was very thoughtful.”</p><p>“Yes, I’ve already thanked her on behalf of all of A shift” Vic spoke up “This is gonna be a hit! I’ll have to sneak me some tiramisu before the guys come lumbering in here and eat it all” she joked, throwing Maya a weird look. “So, I was about to ask, how is everyone? The baby?”</p><p>“Alison and Danny are in love. And not just with each other anymore, but with a perfectly healthy bambina named Charli. 7 pounds, 10 oz and a healthy set of lungs” she stated happily. “They are both also incredibly grateful to all of you”</p><p>“That’s great!!” “So good to hear!” the two firefighters exclaimed at the same time.</p><p>“Si. And they also wanted to be… here but” the Italian woman trailed off, frowning as she swayed on the spot. Her hands reached for the counter to steady herself but Maya had already rounded the reception desk and wrapped her own arms around the Italian’s lean waist, Vic standing up to assist. Maya gently pulled the doctor into the empty Captain’s office facing the reception desk, and had Vic bring in a chair from the bunk so she could sit.</p><p>The younger firefighter ran off to get a medical bag while Maya kneeled in front of the doctor, getting a whiff of sweet coconut shampoo and noticing the other woman looked slightly pale and confused. </p><p>“It’s okay, I’m okay. It’s just a dizzy spell. Not uncommon with a mild concussion.”</p><p>“Ok well, you should be resting then. Let me check you out.” Maya grabbed a small plastic bottle of water from a drawer and handed it to Carina, watching her take a sip and checking her pulse. “Deep breaths for me please.”</p><p>“I thought I was the doctor here” Carina smirked, and Maya looked up at her, mouth open to answer when she realized their proximity and she took in the doctor’s face. Warm honey-colored eyes, high cheekbones and soft-looking lips framed by long, wavy brown tresses. Wow, her mind supplied helpfully. Maya had always thought the OB looked pretty but she was truly gorgeous. Her pulse was starting to even out and Maya unconsciously matched her own breathing to the brunette’s, holding eye contact. The woman smelled amazing, her perfume and shampoo made for an intoxicating mixture that was starting to make the blonde dizzy, the smell wrapping her in like a weighted blanket, every second they stayed still. </p><p>“Got the medical bag” Vic barged in the Captain’s office, dropping to the floor by Maya and pulling out supplies. </p><p>“I don’t need a checkup, I’m fine!” Carina protests “Like I was saying, it’s just a dizzy spell. Completely standard with a concussion. In fact, I already feel much better” she says, taking a few gulps of water to prove her point. </p><p>Suddenly, as Maya takes a step back, collecting herself, the phone at the reception desk rings. Vic’s head turns and she gets up to answer it. “Duty calls. Literally. At least take her BP” she tells Maya, handing her the blood pressure inflatable cuff and monitor before rushing off, closing the door behind her.</p><p>The quiet of the room was suddenly deafeningly loud, Maya’s eyes glued to the door. She was unsure if she wanted Vic to come back and not leave her alone with the doctor or to forget they were there in the first place so she could smell more of that sweet coconut shampoo.<br/>
This was so unlike her. Off course, she’d been attracted to people before, especially objectively beautiful people like Carina, but this was her place of work. She would never jeopardize her ability to do her job, especially for a civilian, no matter how gorgeous. Also, she reminded herself, the good doctor was seemingly already spoken for, if the way she had ran to her family after getting out of the building was any indication. She wasn’t wearing a wedding band, but it definitely looked like she had a family. A baby boy, Maya remembered. </p><p>“I really should take your BP. As a precaution.” She peels off the velcro strap of the cuff. It was time to get back to business. She has to make sure this woman was okay and then send her on her way, so she could get back to the workout she planned. She hoped Vic was up for it - she needed a spotter.</p><p>The brunette looked at her curiously, noticing how quickly the firefighter’s face went from open and appraising to closed off and neutral. In the blink of an eye. Nevertheless, the doctor handed her arm over and the blonde proceeded to take her blood pressure. </p><p>“So, um, you’re Italian, right? How are you liking Seattle, it must be an adjustment, with the weather and all…” Maya trails off. It wasn’t her best attempt at communication, but she needed some time to get a clear read on the blood pressure and it was always good to keep the patient alert but calm and talking. </p><p>Carina just smirked at her, like she knew something Maya didn’t, but she indulged her anyway “You could say that, yes. The weather is not as bad as what I thought but it is like comparing peaches to pears.” Maya couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face. “I actually moved here from Spain about 5 months ago, but my baby brother lives here, and he warned me, but I’m getting used to it” she shrugs a shoulder. “I like the nature here.”</p><p>Nature was actually one of Maya’s favorite things about Seattle. She was born here, grew up here. And while most of her childhood was spent on racing tracks; when the occasional quiet Sunday morning rolled in and she was left to her own devices, when her father slept in that extra hour, recovering from a Saturday night at the pub, Maya enjoyed hiking and jogging at a leisurely pace, watching the sun rise over the tree line. She liked seeing nature come to life after a good rain. The paths a little slippery and the grass wet under her feet; a cool breeze hitting her face, not too cold that it was hard to breathe but just the right temperature to infuse her mind and body with fresh oxygen. </p><p>“I like to take my son to the park. He loves the swings and jumping in puddles” Carina smiles softly, her eyes fixated on Maya’s face, watching her reaction. </p><p>Maya keeps her face smooth except for a single raised eyebrow as her acknowledgement. </p><p>“His father and I aren’t together anymore” the Italian lets that hang in the air for a moment. </p><p>“But” she continues resolutely “coming to Seattle was the right move, I got funding to kickstart the next part of my research project and I get to be closer to my brother” her voice softens at that last part, affection shining through. </p><p>Maya didn’t know which part to focus or comment on. The monitor had settled, and she examined it a little too closely, taking a moment before addressing the OB. </p><p>“Seattle is a great city to make a living. It’s actually one of the top 5 fastest growing cities in the US.” Ok genius, where the hell did that come from? Maya vaguely remembers hearing that somewhere and now her mind thought that’d be the right thing to say to the gorgeous brunette in front of her and her mouth obviously agreed and cooperated. She soldiered on, eager to get past that metaphorical bump and drive off. “Your BP is normal; you should be fine” she adds quickly. </p><p>Carina laughs. “I told you” she answers, not unkindly. “But thanks for the checkup, Captain.”</p><p>“Maya”</p><p>“Maya” the Italian repeated, drawing the name out quietly, her smile spreading slowly. Maya thought distantly of sunshine and couldn’t help but reciprocate.</p><p>They both opened their mouths when the klaxon rang out “Engine 19, Ladder 19,…”</p><p>After that was a flurry of movements and a buzzing that electrified the firefighter’s spine as she bid the Doctor goodbye, advised her to rest and jumped into her turnouts, climbing in the back of the truck, the engine pulling out as soon as her feet were on. She spared one last look at the Station through the window as she adjusted her headset before pressing onwards to her duty. </p><p>--</p><p>“19!” hollered Dean. They all downed their respective shots and echoed “19!”</p><p>The bar was homely, the atmosphere warm and celebratory and Maya had 2 beers and now 3 shots currently making their merry way through her bloodstream – she felt good. The kind of good where you aren’t fully drunk yet, but you feel bolder and looser than you usually are.<br/>
They were just getting out of an overlong shift that ended with a 3-alarm fire in an abandoned factory that took them quite a while to completely extinguish even if they had it fairly under control.</p><p>They were third on the scene after Station 7 and 23 which meant that they were under orders of that Station’s Captain and after their own shift-Captain Gibson gave them their orders on the scene, he relayed everything to Captain Adler of Station 7, a stocky and experienced man who had previously worked alongside Andy’s father Pruitt Herrera for many years.<br/>
Because or maybe in spite of that, Andy had been particularly difficult, questioning the Captain’s calls and being uncharacteristically quiet and sullen during the entire call and even after during overhaul. </p><p>Maya had been giving her best friend some space since the whole Incinerator situation. She had tried to comfort her, but the Latina had refused, and Maya did not want to make her feel worse so she’d been giving her a wide berth, not seeking her out while they worked or even when they were off, figuring Andy would come to her when she was ready. However, there was something about Andy that was different; like the more time passed, the more closed off she became, her body almost folding in on itself like a cocoon. </p><p>Maya had just decided to check in with her best friend, after all Andy had some of the same isolating defense mechanisms that Maya herself had; when she saw the Latina get up and head to the bar, presumably to order more drinks. The others had barely noticed, too engrossed in setting up teams to play a modified round of darts, Travis and Vic immediately linking arms and pretending to be glued together. </p><p>“So, what’s up?” Maya asks nonchalantly as she leaned back on the bar, left elbow nudging Andy who was sitting on one of the stools, trying to get the bartender’s attention. “Wanna talk about it?”</p><p>“Huh?” startles Andy. She looked genuinely surprised to see Maya standing next to her. “It’s just been a long shift, I’m tired.”</p><p>“Right. It’s just the shift that’s making you all silent and moody, off course” Maya replied sarcastically. “Come on! Talk to me. Maybe you think that I don’t care or that I don’t have your back, but I do, I’m HERE, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Really? Are you really there, Maya?” scoffs Andy, face incredulous. “Because from where I’m standing, it sure looks like you went all dark horse on me! You weren’t even in the run in for Captain until very recently and you didn’t even have the curtesy to tell me you were going to apply. You went behind my back!” she states loudly. “And now you have the gall to tell me you’ve got my back, that’s gotta be some kind of joke!” </p><p>“Putting my hat in for the Captain position is not some kind of betrayal Andy! I’m a lieutenant, it was a choice and I made it” Maya tries explaining. “And you were dealing with your dad’s cancer diagnosis, I didn’t want to add to that. Besides, it doesn’t mean I’m not rooting for you as well, the two aren’t mutually exclusive” she looks around and realizes there are some people looking over at them, so she takes a breath and lowers her voice – she doesn't want to fight with Andy.  “And it’s better to have in-house options for the position than have someone from the outside running our station. Our family.”</p><p>Andy huffs, eyes darkening “Don’t pretend that you care about our family now. If you did, you would have at least warned me you planned on going up against me, for the job I’ve been dreaming off my entire life” she spits. “You know what this means to me.”</p><p>And Maya does know. She has known since she met Andy that the young Latina was a legacy firefighter. Both parents had been in the business and she grew up around firehouses, learning about fire and oxygen tanks at an age where kids learn to color inside the lines. And Maya wanted Andy to have what she desired. She just didn’t feel like it was owed to her.<br/>
In fact, joining the race for Captain hadn’t been a rushed decision, it was something Maya had been wanting for her life and her career, it was her future. </p><p>Why wouldn’t she take a shot at something she truly wanted if it was within her grasp? </p><p>It had been ingrained in her psyche that she should go after the things she wanted and with single minded dedication and effort, she would get it. She took pride in that attribute. So, Maya went and joined the race for Captain, and she promised she would give it her best, all the while trying to remain the supportive best friend she’d always been. </p><p>“I do. And this is not about taking it away from you. Me being in this race doesn’t change the fact that I’m in your corner.” </p><p>“Well Maya, actions speak louder than words. And your actions are pretty clear, message received.” And with that verbal slap, Andy walks away and out of the bar, leaving a dumbstruck Maya staring after her. </p><p>Maybe, being both would be impossible - Andy certainly seemed to think so. Maya sighed and sat in the now empty stool. She looks over at her team; it didn’t seem like they noticed, crowded around the dartboards and cheering loudly in the corner of the bar so she lets her eyes wander around the place, desperately trying not to think of Andy’s last words to her. She can already feel a tell-tale pressure building behind her eyes - the first signs of a headache when her eyes land on a familiar tall brunette, sitting in a quiet corner of the bar. </p><p>Dr Carina DeLuca. She was sitting at a small table that seemed to disappear under various kinds of bottles spread around and she listened attentively to something a dark-skinned woman with braided hair said to her. She has a few other women sitting with her and they all look fairly comfortable with each other, if quiet in the otherwise loud bar. </p><p>Maya needs a distraction; this night wasn’t shaping up like she’d planned - a few celebratory drinks and going home to sleep. Now Andy’s behavior and harsh words had created a tidal wave of emotion she could feel building low in her gut and in her brain and she braced herself for the inevitable impact. A little self-care is just what she needs to keep it at bay. </p><p>With that in mind, Maya continues her sweep of the premises. There was quite a number of attractive women, she could probably get one to take her home. But she doesn’t want to talk, she just wants sex so she figures it’ll be easier with a dude. Guys are easier somehow.</p><p>She’s pondering walking up to a group of guys, her eye on the muscly, cocky blonde one that keeps ordering drinks for his buddies. She fixes her shirt, takes a deep calming breath and stands up.</p><p>She hears the click of heels behind her and “White wine, please.”</p><p>Maya turns around at the familiar voice, her blonde hair whipping through the air and blue eyes travelling up Carina’s tall frame “Carina. Hi”</p><p>“Hello Maya! Good to see you. How are you?” the Italian smiles pleasantly, noticing Maya’s cool clear blue eyes are slightly stormy when the firefighters’ orbs finally meet her own after looking her up and down. </p><p>Dear God, Maya thinks, she is stunning. She wears a pair of the skinniest dark jeans the blonde has ever seen that do wonders for her long legs and a cream white top with an intricate black and white lace collar, black heeled boots, her makeup is light and she’s everything Maya needs. Tonight, at least. Fuck it, she doesn’t have anything to lose. </p><p>“Actually, I’ve been better. Do you want to get out of here?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sooo how beautiful was 4x07?! </p><p>I'm so happy we got to see Stefania show off her skills, she was awesome and my heart broke for Carina trying to grieve her brother and being unable to stand anything too soft. </p><p>Can't wait for next week's episode and the ex showing up for a visit. </p><p>Stay safe y'all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>An annoying noise. Actually a buzzing. Insistent and repeated. </p><p>Carina opens her eyes just as her phone’s morning alarm starts its bird-chirping melody, announcing 6:30 am and a cold and rainy morning in Seattle. She hates mornings, life really shouldn’t start before 9 am. She bypasses her usual routine of taking a minute to gather herself and climbs out of bed slowly, walking over to the crib in the corner of the room.<br/>
She peers in, confirms her boy is still sleeping soundly before heading to the living room.</p><p>“Buenas dia hermosa” Rafael hands her a cup of espresso and she joins him on the pull-out bed as he munches on a toast, distractedly checking his emails on his phone. “Late night, uh?”</p><p>“Buenas” she whispers back and offers him a small grateful smile. “Kind of, yeah. How did you sleep?” she redirects him.</p><p>The hotel suite they were currently staying in was comfortable enough for the three of them but with Rafael insisting Carina and Matteo sleep in the one bedroom, he was left on the slightly lumpy pull-out sofa bed. Hopefully, they would be able to go back to their own apartment in the next few days once all the safety checks from SFD, following the electric fire, were completed. </p><p>As it were, hotel living had upended their established routine and Carina doesn’t particularly want to go into the details of her night, with her ex, over morning coffee. So, she decides to keep the conversation light. She knows that if Rafael were to ask her specific questions about her night out with colleagues, she would answer him, but she doesn’t see the point in poking at that particular topic, especially before she even finished her first cup of coffee. </p><p>He raises his head, full dark eyebrows arching up and hazel eyes slightly crinkled in incredulity – he obviously noticed the change of subject but doesn’t press the issue and instead starts talking about the uncomfortable bed giving him back pains. Carina listens to him and shares his hopes to be able to go back to their own apartment soon. </p><p>Continuing to live with Rafael after their breakup had been a choice. They’d been rocky since before even moving to Seattle 5 months ago and if she was honest with herself, she shouldn’t have let it drag on. Nevertheless, Carina had needed to try to distance herself to figure out what she really wanted but Rafael had insisted on finding a place together when she’d started to bring up the idea of living separately. He pointed out it was in the best interest of their son and Carina agreed - moving to another city could be jarring enough, at least they would be together as a family. They had a routine and Raf was a good father, seeing him chasing Matteo around, the little boy squealing in delight always warmed Carina’s heart. However, she had officially ended things 3 months ago and for now, their living arrangement suited her, but she didn’t know how long it could really last. </p><p>Rafael was patient, charming and always helpful, traits that came in handy given his hotel manager position. It was this position that allowed him to travel around the world from his native Madrid and was how Carina met him, in Austria, while she’d been living in Vienna, on a drunken night out with her roommate, Anna. They had a whirlwind romance of less than a year that got abruptly serious when she found herself pregnant. </p><p>She’d never really thought about becoming a mother, until she was anxiously waiting on pregnancy test results in her cramped bathroom in Eastern Europe. Her relationship with her own mother was convoluted at best. The woman had divorced Carina’s father when she was a young girl and took off to live in the US, taking Carina’s beloved baby brother along and leaving her young daughter to live with her mentally unstable father in Italy. Carina did not resent her anymore, becoming a mother gave her a new perspective but they weren’t exactly close. She grew up restrained and reserved, a slave to her father’s whims and moods, her only escape when she became a teenager, and her grandparents took her in. </p><p>They were Carina’s salvation. With them, she found peace and freedom. Her grandfather loved to read, he and Carina could talk for hours. He believed books were a way for Carina to learn about the world and to express herself, and always listened excitedly when she told him about her latest read and asked how it made her feel and her grandmother taught her everything she knows about cooking and loving life. Their encouragement and support got her through medical school and after residency when she moved to London. There, she made a point to call them at least twice a week and tell them about everything and anything and they always listened attentively and reminded her to stay safe and stay true to her heart. </p><p>That heart was broken when her grandfather passed, towards the end of her residency. A heart attack in his sleep. It was peaceful, they said. But Carina felt anything but peace, she felt guilt. She had been meaning to go back to Italy after her residency to be closer to her grandparents, but life had taken her grandfather from her too early. Matteo DeLuca was a piece of her heart and it was grieving and heartbroken that she moved back home to be with her grandmother. Antonia gladly took her in but didn’t allow Carina to wallow for too long and instead encouraged her to go back out in the world and see the sights she’d read about in her grandfather’s books. </p><p>With that advice, Carina traveled to India, Thailand, Korea and even Yemen working with Doctors Without Borders. She took a specialty course and learned about trauma medicine and surgery. It gave her a new outlook and new purpose: she could actually see the change she was bringing to people. She was happy and would have gladly continued like that, when while on a break from DWB, she visited Austria with a friend (sometimes sex friend) and, charmed by the city of Vienna, the people and the music, she’d decided to stay, started her research and eventually met Raf. </p><p>His hazel eyes and adventurous streak won her over. He craved independence from his wealthy, overbearing family and they bonded quickly, both free spirits and Carina was grateful for him. Having Matteo was the best thing she had ever done and she knew her little bambino would own her very soul from the first moment she heard his heartbeat on the monitor.</p><p>“… store around the corner?”</p><p>“What?” </p><p>Raf, who had moved to the small kitchen and was pouring himself more coffee, looked over, eyes squinting suspiciously at her “I said, I’m working a little later today and was thinking of going grocery shopping, maybe that little convenience store around the corner? Since we should be leaving in a few days anyway…” he trailed off questioningly. </p><p>“Yes, sounds good” Carina answered, trying to get her head back down to the present. </p><p>“You look a little tired…” Rafael came closer, piercing hazel eyes roaming over her face “What happened last night?” </p><p>Carina opened her mouth, not yet sure what to answer or where to start when they heard a resounding shriek from the next room and both of their heads turned at the sound. </p><p>“Ah!” Raf perked up “el léoncito {the little lion} is up. I’ve got him” he told her before rushing off inside the bedroom. </p><p>Carina poured herself another coffee and started breakfast, her mind wandering. What was she going to tell Rafael about last night? Was there anything to tell? Carina wasn’t sure, last night had been unexpected to say the least.</p><p>--</p><p>
  <cite>Carina is listening intently to Maggie’s description of her patient’s declining heart condition. The doctors are in Joe’s bar, a few blocks away from the hospital; it’s not too crowded that it’s uncomfortable, the music is good, and it smells faintly of beer. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>It had been a long shift and Amelia Shepherd, Carina’s new research partner and a gifted brain surgeon, had invited her to join and relax. They both had babies who were home with their dads and had decided to let loose a little. They listened as the heart surgeon explains wanting to delay surgery if at all possible, given her patient’s history of long recovery time and Carina suggests a different drug protocol. It’s an unconventional one but it worked for a patient of hers back in Yemen. Maggie listens, asks a few questions and then gets quiet, thinking hard.</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Teddy, a cardio and trauma surgeon Carina really likes, recalls a similar case while in the military and the Italian joins in, the two comparing their respective experience in the field when everyone starts discussing general medicine vs obstetrics. Jo Wilson, a brunette doctor Carina doesn’t know very well, seems especially interested in the topic and enthusiastically pours herself another beer from the pitcher before joining in. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Noticing her empty glass and everyone else’s full, Carina gets up, intent on ordering herself a last drink before heading home, when she spots the hot blonde firefighter Captain, Maya, whose arms she nearly fainted in a couple days back. She’s sitting alone by the bar and seems lost in her head when Carina approaches her quietly and orders her drink. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Maya startles but recovers quickly and soon asks Carina if she wants to leave with her. The Italian can only raise one eyebrow in surprise, and she feels her mouth stretch into a sly smirk “And where would we go exactly?” She knows the answer to that question, hasn’t decided what her answer will be, but Carina wants to hear Maya say it. There’s something about a beautiful woman explicitly telling her what she wants that Carina finds incredibly attractive.</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“My place. Your place.” Maya answers voice dropping suggestively and stormy blue eyes staring intently at Carina’s face, lingering on her mouth. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>The Italian feels a chill roll down her spine at the words and she bites her lower lip. Although it hasn’t happened in a while, she’s no stranger to hooking up with people she meets in bars, men and women alike - she’s attracted to personality and charisma and recognizes when there is an attraction. Besides, Rafael is with Matteo tonight and not expecting her right away, having texted to remind him she was going out with Amelia. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“And what if I wanted to get dinner?” she asks, voice husky and eyes twinkling playfully. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“I’ll feed you” the smutty double entendre ultimately convinces Carina as she chuckles and agrees. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Maya smiles triumphantly at that and Carina walks back to her new friends, excuses herself and promises to make it up to them soon, not waiting for their reaction as to why she’s ditching them. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Maya throws a bill on the bar and meets the Italian at the door. Soon, they’re outside and Maya breathes in the cool, fresh air, calming down as they start walking and she explains her place isn’t far. The blonde looks sideways at the gorgeous brunette by her side as she looks all around her, commenting on this and that and when they reach a square with a familiar food truck, Maya does something completely unplanned and unexpected and offers Carina a pretzel. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>The Italian seems taken aback by her offer and she laughs loudly, throwing her head back. Strangely, Maya does not feel mocked and smiles softly - the sound is exquisite as it fills the chilly night air and she can only watch the brunette’s beautiful face, streetlamps giving her a light golden hue. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“What kind of food is it?” Carina wonders “I should tell you, I am a bit picky about food.”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“Oh yeah, you are? I’m lucky then” the blonde smirks before getting serious again. “This is basically like baked and rolled dough but it can be stuffed or just covered with salt, or cheese, or chocolate, basically anything you want. It’s a special treat.”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“Interesting. I’ve only tried the very salty kind before and it was not good. What do you suggest this time?”</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“My favorite is the cinnamon flavored kind. But maybe you’d like the cream filling or peanut butter...” she trails off as they approach the food truck. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Carina quickly scans the options “No, I want to try the kind you like. Cinnamon it is” </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>They order their pretzels and are quiet while the chatty owner gets it ready for them, stealing glances at each other and gravitating closer as more people arrive behind them. It’s a Thursday night and some rowdy students are looking for a snack before continuing their early weekend bar-hopping session. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>When the owner hands over the pretzels, he insists on giving them extra free ones, covered in melted salted chocolate – he apparently overheard Carina’s complain about salted pretzels and refuses to let them pay for the extra treats. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>They thank him profusely and Maya leaves a generous tip in the jar, looking insulted when Carina tries to pay. The Italian is effortlessly charming, and she is soon joking with the man, Thomas, and promising that she will be back to try more of his – sweet – pretzels. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>They decide to sit down a little, arms full of giant-sized pretzels and Carina knows she won’t be able to eat everything, but she nibbles on both kinds - the salted chocolate is pretty tasty. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Carina looks at Maya as she eats her pretzel and notices her body seems to relax as she sags a little. She hadn’t been aware that her blonde counterpart was so tense, but she is glad to see her loosen up. She keeps the conversation light, asking Maya about pretzels and is surprised when the other woman opens up about her workout routine and coming to the truck only on very rare occasions even though she really likes the sugary treat. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Carina thinks her workout regimen is very strict, but she doesn’t comment on it. For her, life is about enjoying the things that make you happy, all in moderation off course but she doesn’t think she could keep up with as strict a schedule as Maya does. She admires her for it and tells her so. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Maya talks about her job a little and after Carina prods her, stating she is a good listener, the blonde hesitates for a moment before explaining she’s up for the Captain position at her fire station. She talks briefly about conflicts with her peers who are also up for the same job. Carina feels she doesn’t know the situation enough to offer any real advice - she doesn’t want to push Maya, the blonde clearly not willing to say more. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>However, Carina explains she believes the blonde has a kind disposition and can be good at whatever she puts her mind to. And before she’s had time to really think about it, she’s offering up her beloved grandfather’s advice to Carina since she was teenager “Stay true to your heart.” </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Carina is slightly surprised with herself. She usually doesn’t offer up these words to just anybody. Her grandfather’s advice mean a lot to her and have carried her through tough times and she somehow wants Maya to hear them, hoping maybe they will give her clarity. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Maya smiles, a slow-spreading, dazzling smile Carina hasn’t seen before and it takes her breath away. She leans in and kisses her, tasting cinnamon and something that’s just Maya. Her lips are soft and pliant, and Carina’s hands come up on either side of her head while Maya’s hands slip around her waist, pretzels forgotten. Maya opens her mouth and swipes her tongue on Carina’s bottom lip, seeking entrance and the brunette grants it, sighing softly. She lets Maya explore her, a warm and tingly sensation spreading throughout her body and she starts nibbling on the blonde’s lip, sucking on her tongue gently and Maya moans, her hands pulling Carina ever closer. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>Carina realizes she’s in danger of ending up square on Maya’s lap and she pulls away, both women breathing heavily, dark lusty eyes staring at each other. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“We’re a 10-minute walk away from my place... I can call us an Uber” are Maya’s next words and Carina agrees – how could she not – and while they’re moving to a pickup spot by the road, her phone buzzes.</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>It’s a text from Meredith Grey, the chief or general surgery and Carina’s heartrate picks up again, knowing the only reason the surgeon would have to text her. The message is simple, the older surgeon asking her to come back to the hospital if she can, it’s about her brother. Carina doesn’t think twice about it, she needs to get to Andrea - he’s been out of sorts lately and Carina has a sneaking suspicion she knows why, but she won’t push him about it until the time is right. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>She sighs regretfully and looks up at Maya from her phone, apologetic. As much as she wishes she could indulge in the hot firefighter in front of her, she has her priorities straight. She doesn’t go into details but explains needing to go back to the hospital to pick up her brother. Maya looks surprised and then disappointed, her shoulders dropping, and Carina apologizes again. </cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>The blonde woman is quiet for a moment, frowning at the road and sidewalk and Carina thinks she’s about to rail at her for leading her on and then changing her mind, but instead, she holds out her hand for Carina’s phone and quickly punches in her number and dials, looking down at her own phone until it buzzes with Carina’s number.</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>“Call me sometime” she says giving the phone back “and you should take the Uber to the hospital, I’ll walk.”</cite>
</p><p>The bedroom door opens and Carina jumps, quickly checking the time. Wow, she needs to get a move on if she doesn’t want to be late for work. She plates the French toasts and wipes her hands, turning around just as Rafael and Matteo are exiting the bedroom. </p><p>“Mama” the little boy reaches out for her from his father’s arms and Carina settles him in her arms, the boy cuddling in right way, his little body still warm from sleep. She gives him a sweet kiss, rubbing his little back and swaying gently. </p><p>“Buongiorno amore mio. Hai dormito bene?”</p><p>The little boy simply nods, his face buried in Carina’s neck. At 20 months old, Matteo is not very talkative, his personality quiet and laid back. He has big brown eyes with green flecks that take everything in, and blonde hair just like his namesake. Also just like his namesake, his very presence has a calming effect on Carina, and she takes this moment to breathe him in, feeling grateful as always, that she has this little soul in her life. </p><p>“Are you ready for breakfast léoncito?” calls Raf from the kitchen, setting the fruits, pieces of French toast and milk down on the small table. </p><p>“Si!” Matteo answers happily, head coming out of Carina’s neck and body squirming excitedly even as he keeps his little arms around her. Carina laughs and carries him over – that appetite he definitely got from her! </p><p>--</p><p>After going about their morning routine, Carina and Matteo are out the door in time for her to get to work. She has agreed with the Chief to take in some OB patients and incoming trauma cases, should they need her, but she’s mainly focused on her research on the female brain and the impact sexual gratification can have in pain management. </p><p>Today is a rather busy morning with OB patients and Carina drops off Matteo at the hospital’s childcare center and is just finishing a pre-natal checkup when she’s paged to the ER. She gets there quickly, slipping on a medical gown and starts treating a pregnant woman who fell down the stairs. She has a nurse page neuro and runs through her checklist, confirming the woman is stable when Amelia comes in for her consult. They finish quickly and assure the woman she and her unborn child are healthy before admitting her for observation. </p><p>Carina decides to head to the research floor, having just escaped Amelia’s questioning look as she accompanies their patient to radiology for a head CT– they haven’t talked since the previous night and she’s sure her friend will find and corner her the first chance she gets. She texts her brother, making sure he’s using his day off to sleep and offering to visit with him later and bring food and toddler giggles.</p><p>She looks up at the sound of an ambulance pulling up and sees unknown firefighters exit the vehicle with a gurney-bound patient. That reminds her of Maya. Beautiful Maya that she had to ditch to go handle her baby brother.</p><p>Last she saw her, she was presumably running home, having insisted Carina take the Uber back to the hospital. Carina hopes the blonde isn’t upset with her because as much as the Italian has on her plate lately, she really wants to see Maya again. She finds her contact, types a message and sends it right away, not letting herself overthink it. </p><p>“Hey you! Hope you’re not too mad at me.. want to get coffee tomorrow? I know just the place”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The Italian and Spanish in there is pretty basic so I hope you don't need translations but if you do, let me know and I'll put it in. </p><p>Hope you enjoy.</p><p>Take care!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maya has been up since 6 am. A little personal indulgence given that it was her day off. She had made herself a protein shake, gotten a long run in followed by an actual workout through the park by herself; Vic having blown her off in favor of sleeping in - “It’s called a day off for a reason Maya!” - was her response when prompted by light knocks on her bedroom door in their shared apartment. </p><p>She was now going home, having finished her last round of abs workout, a thin layer of sweat covering her body. She keeps a light pace going as it’s started to drizzle, the light rain typical of the fall season, not exactly bothering her, but she could see grey clouds ahead that predicted a downpour - this she’d rather be home for. She picks up her pace, thinking of the events of the previous night. </p><p>Meeting Carina DeLuca again was a pleasant surprise and even though Maya planned to take her home and make her forget her own name, she’d been surprised by the Italian’s flirtatious teasing and her agreeing to leave the bar with Maya. In hindsight, maybe she shouldn’t have been. After all, during her previous meeting with Carina, the brunette had been intense, self-assured and flirtatious, in that distinctive Italian accent that made Maya weak in the knees. </p><p>Clearly, Carina knew what she wanted and didn’t have a problem with acting on that impulse. Maya had found herself relieved and weirdly proud of herself when Carina agreed to go home with her. Truth be told, the blonde had not been exactly smooth when previously interacting with the Italian; unlike her usual self, she’d been tense, quiet and fidgety, the brunette making her feel oddly unsettled. </p><p>But last night, the alcohol in her system made her just loose enough to get beyond all that and back to her confident, straight-forward persona that easily picked up people from bars just because she could. </p><p>Maya Bishop was goal-oriented and laser-focused. On her work, sure, but she could apply that focus to other aspects of her life, albeit briefly, and it was always a confidence-booster when she got a beautiful woman to go home with her. Never mind when that beautiful woman was someone, she already had her eye on. </p><p>She expected the sex to be good. Maya was talented like that and Carina had a vibe to her that told the blonde that not only was she good, but she knew it too. Hence, stopping to eat cinnamon pretzels, Maya’s guilty pleasure, was not planned and she couldn’t quite figure out where that urge had come from. She’d told Carina she would feed her but that had just been a way to get her out of the bar, she had no intention of following through, not in that way at least. </p><p>Looking back, if she’d taken Carina straight home, they would have been too busy for the brunette to check her phone and Maya could have had exactly what she’d been after.<br/>
Instead, she’d ended up spilling her guts to a virtual stranger while eating pretzels on a bench. She talked about work some and it felt nice to voice some of her concerns out loud. </p><p>And kissing Carina - that was hot. Carina kissed with her whole body; it was intense and passionate and Maya could not get enough. The intoxicating smell and taste of the Italian -salted chocolate and coconut shampoo she remembers fondly - made Maya want to pick her up and run her home so she could have her way with her. Alas, the brunette had to run off on her own, and Maya was disappointed, but she couldn’t quite regret taking her to eat pretzels. </p><p>That time in the company of the gorgeous Italian was like a little snippet of a moment that could have been. It floated away from her like a butterfly yet somehow remained frozen in time. She’d given the brunette her phone number, and while she didn’t expect to hear from her again, it had felt like the right move at the time. </p><p>Without Maya realizing it, her feet had taken her back to her building. She ran up the stairs to her floor, fished out her keys from her jacket pocket and unlocked her front door. </p><p>“Maya! Thank God! Where the hell have you been?” Vic rushed in front of her, phone to her ear, looking her up and down as if checking her for injuries. “Yeah, she’s back… Ok, thank you… See ya” she said into the phone before hanging up, frowning at the blonde.</p><p>“I was running. What’s going on?” Maya asked incredulously, closing the door behind her and removing her sneakers. </p><p>“For over 3 hours? Your runs are usually an hour, 2 tops. It’s past 9:30. I’ve been calling you. You freaked me out! And I just woke up, that’s not cool” she trailed off. “Why were you out so long?”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I guess I lost track of time” Maya tried explaining, pulling out her phone from her pocket. Sure enough, the lock screen lit up with texts and missed calls from her roommate, a few social media notifications and a text from an unregistered number. Her steps faltered as she quickly read the text but not enough for Vic to notice as the curly-haired woman grumbled under her breath at Maya’s overly long workouts and being 5 minutes from calling in a rescue mission. </p><p>Carina wanted to see her again! Carina, captivating, confident Italian beauty Carina wanted to see Maya again. The blonde couldn’t help the smug smile that bloomed on her face, but she was quick to hide it, heading straight to the bathroom and yelling at Vic about taking a shower. </p><p>As she stepped under the hot spray, grabbing her shampoo bottle, she thought of what to answer Carina. Now that the initial surprise had worn off, Maya’s brain wondered of all the possibilities of a coffee meet up with the brunette and her imagination provided various scenarios. She also wanted to see Carina again, badly, and the brunette was obviously in a similar state of mind. Maya inhaled deeply, picturing honey eyes and rosy lips. The other woman was the very definition of tempting and Maya, helpless, could only follow her. </p><p>--</p><p>The streets are busy, numerous people bustling about to various directions, but the chaos is organized, like subway tunnels. People keeping to their right walk at brisk paces, while others take their time to wander, breaking away from the flock. It’s a Saturday mid-morning and Maya looks out the window while sitting in a renovated bathtub now serving as a sofa in a small quaint coffee shop. She sips at her beverage, not so patiently waiting, when the door opens and lets in a crisp gust of October wind. Maya looks up and there is Carina, smiling at her. She’s dressed more casually than last time with a brown coat, faded blue jeans, black combat boots and an oversized scarf and she carries herself with effortless grace. </p><p>Carina apologizes for making Maya wait but the blonde explains her habit of always being early which makes the Italian laugh - she always seems to run a little late. She places her order, and they chat amicably until a mug is deposited in front of her. Maya asks about her brother, remembering the reason she had to leave the other night.</p><p>“He needed some big sister management, and we’ll see how it goes from there.” </p><p>The answer is vague and truthfully, Carina doesn’t want to get into the whole Andrea situation with Maya. She isn’t even really sure how to handle her little brother at the moment, her instinct telling her to push but her heart hoping she won’t have to, and he will come to his own senses. </p><p>Except she knows that it’s unlikely. </p><p>She’s been observing her brother and he appears to exhibit some of their father’s symptoms of mental illness and Carina hopes to God she’s wrong, but she has to prepare herself in case she isn’t. It’s a whole can of worms she doesn’t want to open, and her brain promptly shuts down that train of thought. </p><p>“I think I remember him from a scene maybe a year back” Maya thinks aloud “Dark hair, charming and intense - seems to run in the family” she smirks. “No accent though.”</p><p>Carina crinkles her nose, huffing and Maya immediately thinks it may be the cutest thing she’s seen. “He grew up in the states. I grew up in Italy and lived in London after medical school so if you think the accent is strong now imagine when I lived in England, it was a weird mix of Italian and British English” she explains making impressions of typically British phrases. </p><p>Maya laughs heartily. “I like it. Accents are hot”</p><p>“Are they?”</p><p>“Yeah.” That last word is said quietly as Maya takes in Carina’s slight smirk and twinkling honey brown eyes. It feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room and only the two of them are suspended in time, staring at each other. </p><p>Maya coughs, clearing her throat and tries to regain control of her rapidly accelerating heartbeat. “You’ve never had issues being understood before though?”</p><p>“Well, I once called a seat belt a strap-on so there is that” Carina rolls her eyes at herself and Maya snorts - that is a good one. “Anyways, I had to make sure I could be understood when I was travelling. Between Italian, Spanish and English, people always get it somehow.”</p><p>Maya is impressed and asks about Carina’s work with Doctors Without Borders and the brunette happily explains her love for the organization and how she first got involved in it. She believes doctors out of medical school should do some humanitarian work and spend time traveling and learning with DWB. The discipline, satisfaction and world view to gain is worth everything. </p><p>Maya listens to her talk, she’s fervent and heartfelt and her hands animate her speech, almost like she’s painting a picture for Maya and the blonde finds herself entranced by her brunette counterpart.</p><p>They move on to talking about Carina’s job at Grey Sloan Memorial and Maya now finds herself blushing at the detailed subject matter of having women masturbate for the doctor in the MRI machine so she can watch their brains while they climax.</p><p>Carina talks candidly about her research which is a complete study on the female brain. She’s been working on it for a while and has divided her work in segments. Her latest segment is the female brain as it relates to sexual gratification and she believes she has found the correlation between medicinal treatment and sexual climax in her female patients. </p><p>She explains to Maya having advised her laboring mothers to consider climax as a natural way to not only sped up the natural process of childbirth but also considerably reduce the pain factor. In fact, Carina smiles, she had to be very picky about which patient she could bring that up with, having nearly gotten her neck wrung by a few laboring moms.</p><p>“Americans” she snorts, not wanting to harp on that particular topic but she always found them so outwardly prim and proper, almost Victorian in the way they made something natural appear taboo. In her experience, Europeans were definitely more liberal and open-minded. “You know… with the right balance… pain and pleasure are two opposites that can make wonders happen together … wouldn’t you agree?” she asks in a breathy voice.</p><p>Maya swallows, her imagination providing wild snapshots behind her eyelids “I umm… yeah. I mean yes, it sounds like something that … should be tested” </p><p>“Si” the doctor answers happily, eyes bright and smirk firmly in place. </p><p>--</p><p>This is the longest elevator ride in the history of elevator rides. </p><p>Why are they even in there? They should have taken the stairs. Come on Maya, when in doubt, take the stairs! </p><p>But Carina had strolled into the elevator when they reached Maya’s building and it wasn’t a bad idea right up until they heard a “hold the elevator dear.” </p><p>Maya vaguely recognized an older lady that lives in her building and had to endure her casual, oblivious small talk during 8 long floors up. Carina, for her part, was nothing but kind and engaging to the older woman, listening and responding to talks of supermarket runs and what dish the lady planned to cook. She lived one floor above Maya and kindly waved at them when they got off on the 8th floor, Maya practically dragging Carina out with a hand on her lower back as the brunette smiled and waved back. </p><p>“In a hurry, are we?” the doctor smirks knowingly.</p><p>“Yes. I believe you said something about pain and pleasure and how to mix the two. In fact, we agreed on a practical test of your theory.” Maya answers honestly, stopping by her front door. </p><p>“That we did, bella.” Carina’s hand comes up on one side of Maya’s face and brushes a strand of light blonde hair behind her ear. </p><p>Maya feels a shudder roll down her spine: she isn’t sure if it’s the pet name, the soft hair-touching or both but she desperately wants to touch Carina and if the darkening look in the Italian’s eyes is any indication, she can. So, she reaches out, places her hands on a slim waist and kisses Carina deeply.</p><p>It’s not tentative, it’s an earthquake. All-consuming. Maya eventually pulls back, dizzy and breathless, and opens her front door, both of them sliding inside. Thank God Vic is out today, Maya thinks as she puts her keys on the bowl by the door. She turns around and a hand tangles in her hair before she knows what’s happening, urgent lips back on hers and Maya groans, pushing Carina against the front door with a thud.</p><p>Suddenly, everything around her is entirely Carina - her smell, her hands, her tongue and the most delicious sounds slipping out of her mouth. Maya pulls her closer, hands now coming up to cup the brunette’s face, and Carina kisses her back like she was waiting for this, sighing softy and nipping at Maya’s bottom lip. </p><p>Carina’s lips are soft, but the kissing isn't, Maya’s tongue brazen and exploratory as she fastens one hand against Carina’s jaw, keeping her close and winds the other through her long brown hair. Maya is overwhelmed, her body warm and buzzing and she can barely hear herself think over her own needy moans. </p><p>She pulls back, breathing shallow and licking her lips and looks the doctor up and down. </p><p>Carina’s own eyes are dark and hooded. She let’s go of her purse and removes her scarf, dropping both items on the floor and grabs the front of Maya’s denim jacket, pulling her forward “No thinking bella, just acting.”</p><p>Maya can only nod, biting her lip. She really likes when Carina speaks, she likes the words and the lilt of her voice, she likes her accent. But there are far better things the brunette could be doing with that mouth at the moment. </p><p>And with that last thought, Maya buries her tongue in Carina’s mouth, picks her up and takes her to her bedroom, closing the door behind them with a kick.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>December rolls in quickly. So quickly that before they know it, it’s really chilly out and Christmas is around the corner. </p><p>The season is not particularly Maya’s thing, but it’s nice to see people in good spirits, the coffee everywhere gets a gingerbread makeover, and she enjoys the colder weather. </p><p>However, the season brings with it a litany of different house fires with Christmas trees and aid car calls to the ER for various incidents with all sorts of extravagant Christmas lights and decorations. In fact, she’s just finishing a report on the latest Christmas tree fire the team intervened on; it a was fairly quick job but it did end up giving the family quite a scare. </p><p>She gets a text notification. It’s one of her ‘random facts’ text chain with Carina. </p><p>
  <cite> Did you know the M in ‘M&amp;M’s’ stands for Mars and Murie, the owners who invented it? </cite>
</p><p>They started doing that few weeks ago. Maya thinks the doctor must be having a snack now to bring that up. It’s weird and funny and never fails to make her smile. </p><p>The whole thing started when Carina had come to meet Maya at her place during her lunch break. The pair had settled on a casual sex type thing that Maya doesn’t know how to describe in any other words, but it works. They saw each other fairly regularly after that first time, their activities always heated, fun and satisfying and Maya – who was off that day – had expected the same and set the mood for the occasion but Carina had burst in like a hurricane, tense and rambling. </p><p>She had paced Maya’s living room floor, ranting in half English, half Italian. Maya had let her, looking up from the sofa until the brunette had stopped abruptly and asked the blonde if she knew about how the first woman who had a recorded c-section in the 1500’s had been in labor for days and that this had constituted an actual emergency unlike her latest patient who just didn’t want to push her baby out. </p><p>Maya had been dumbfounded on how to react to that helpful little nugget. She did not know that. She’d said so, chuckled nervously and ended up providing her own random fact about the first woman firefighter who was also an African-American slave.</p><p>Carina had stopped pacing at that, looked at her incredulously and laughed. Maya joined her and with the sound of their laughter, the tension was broken. </p><p>She smiles and answers the shrugging girl emoji which is their go-to for any new random facts.</p><p>And the fact that they have go-to emojis kicks Maya’s brain into high gear as it’s been continuously doing lately. </p><p>Maya Bishop does not do this. Maya Bishop is a one-night stand kind of girl. She takes pride in that. Relationships are too complicated, and she does not have time for them. She has better things to focus on, she has goals to achieve and finish lines to cross. Relationships are a distraction. Her eyes should always be on the finish line, nothing else. </p><p>That’s where her self-care comes in. Grand idea if you ask her. She’s a woman with needs after all and she’s never had a problem fulfilling them. Consequently, she’s never been in a relationship. The closest she’d ever come was a 2 month-long affair with Jack and she’d promptly ended it, not wanting that unnecessary attachment. </p><p>This thing with Carina is approaching the 3 months timestamp and Maya has not ended it. And more importantly, she doesn’t want to do that. The fact that she keeps hooking up with the same person, likes it and wants to keep doing it, is… unsettling. Maya’s never done this before, whatever this is, its brand-new territory for her.</p><p>This entire situation is surprising and unexpected, but Maya has come to realize that’s it’s not necessarily a bad feeling, sometimes. She finds Carina brings her mostly really good feelings, and not just the sexual kind. She doesn’t quite know what to do with that either. </p><p>Maya likes Carina. She’s crazy hot and sensual but also funny and kind and so smart. </p><p>Jesus. </p><p>Maya doesn’t usually like people. She can appreciate them in small doses and careful sips, but Carina is different somehow, she’s all gentle light and charming wit and Maya can’t help but want more of that. </p><p>What does that even mean? she wonders for the umpteenth time. She’s never wanted more before. She doesn’t even know what that looks like and where this even comes from.</p><p>Does she want more of Carina or is it just because the Italian is light and lovely as opposed to herself? </p><p>Truthfully, she isn’t the most openly delightful person on the planet. Her personality can be dark and messy, and she’s never really been attracted to happy, sunny people, gravitating towards people more similar to herself before so maybe there’s that. Yes, that makes sense. She likes Carina because she isn’t tortured and twisted, it’s a nice change for Maya, that’s it.</p><p>How does one go about telling the person they’re hooking up with, that they really like her and would kinda maybe definitely wouldn’t be opposed to seeing more of her, not necessarily in a bed? Although Carina was pretty incredible in there - and everywhere else in Maya’s apartment. </p><p>Does she make a big speech and ask in a formal way? This isn't a romantic comedy, dummy. </p><p>Does she write a letter? She sucks at writing letters.</p><p>Does she ask her on a date? Preferably for something other than sex though not opposed to sex as a whole. Well, that’ll be random. </p><p>Maybe she should just have Carina guess it. </p><p>Maya has no idea how to do this. Gosh, relationships are complicated, and she isn’t even technically in one. Her head is already starting to hurt.</p><p>And what about Carina? Would she even be interested in more? </p><p>Carina’s wants are actually difficult for Maya to decipher. Whenever they meet, the Italian is always sexy and seductive, and they make small talk before ultimately loosing themselves in each other.</p><p>That first time, Carina had stayed a little bit, after, just enough for them to agree they wanted to keep seeing each other and then she left with a lingering kiss, telling Maya to text her when she was off next. </p><p>Since then, Maya had subconsciously gathered information about the doctor like a bear about to hibernate. </p><p>She knows about her passion for her job and her dedication to her patients. She knows Carina adores her son and her brother. She also loves a good book though she hadn’t had time to read one in a long time. Strangely, she really likes American rap songs and hates the very existence of plastic. </p><p>The Italian had shared all this with Maya freely, she wasn’t guarded or closed off. It had seemed so uncomplicated to her. Maybe that’s all she wants from Maya - something simple and undemanding. Someone she can have great sex with and talk a little with and then go back to her beautiful, sunny life. She’s never hinted at anything else, so perhaps she’s just not interested. </p><p>Maya feels a pang in her chest at that. She needs to know.</p><p>Maybe she should get her a Christmas present. One that could say the things she doesn’t know how to say and that isn’t too obvious in case that’s not what Carina wants from her. And one for her kid too, Christmas is mainly for children after all. Unless that would be overstepping, giving the boy a present when she hasn’t even met him. </p><p>Yes, that’s probably overstepping. She knows Carina still lives with her ex, further proof that she might not be interested in anything more from Maya - she has a pretty perfect life actually. But Carina also mentioned that her ex knows about her but Maya doesn’t know more than that, she had been too awkward and uncomfortable to ask her more when Carina had brought it up. But either way, he would know <cite> know </cite>  if she gave his baby son a Christmas gift. She doesn’t know if she’s ready for that. </p><p>Wow, that’s another downward spiral right there. It’s exhausting really. </p><p>She truly has no idea how to do this.</p><p>“Have no idea how to do what?”</p><p>She looks up, frowning, and sees Dean standing in the open doorway with a half-smile. “Sorry, I knocked but you didn’t answer” he says, walking in and handing her a file. </p><p>“Uh, thanks. I was just busy… looking at this new recipe… Italian stew… looks complicated” she says, pointing at her tablet while conveniently keeping him from seeing the screen. </p><p>“Oh sweet! I was actually gonna go see if we have any leftovers, but stew sounds good. I’ll help you” he perked up. </p><p>“Great. I have a few things to finish up but I’m right behind you” she said to his retreating back.</p><p>Maya sighed, picked up her phone and fired off a text. <cite> Any quick and easy Italian stew recipe you can give me? Asking for a friend </cite>

</p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“So… how was it?”</p><p>“Oh, need a bit of an ego boost Doctor DeLuca? You <cite> know </cite> you’re good at that” Maya answers cheekily; her heart is still racing and she’s slowly getting her breath back.</p><p>“I meant the stew” Carina laughs, her melodic laugh Maya notes, the easy one she lets out when she’s relaxed “but good to know how you feel.”</p><p>They’re in bed, having just finished a second round of morning fun. Maya had just ended her shift when she invited the doctor over and Carina had already dropped off Matteo at daycare and was planning on going to the gym before her own shift started later but clearly, she favored the other way to burn off some calories and she’d rushed off to the blonde’s apartment. </p><p>“Riiight! Cause the way I literally followed you in the shower last time wasn’t any indication of how I feel…” Maya answered, looking sideways at the other woman and rolling over, wrapping her right arm and right leg around Carina and burying her face in wavy brown hair. </p><p>To be fair, Carina did have a point. Maya should share with her how she feels, how she’s <cite> been </cite> feeling lately, and she had been working up the courage to bring it up when the Italian had breezed into her place, all high energy and suggestive looks and distracted Maya of any conversation.</p><p>Before all that glorious distraction, Maya had reached a decision with herself. She had worked herself up and just decided to come out and be honest with Carina. She wasn’t a fan of beating around the bush and even if she had been, she was pretty sure the anticipation alone would have killed her before Carina got to understand what she really meant, let alone have time to formulate an answer. Moreover, the Italian seemed to appreciate honesty and straight-forwardness and Maya desperately hoped those would be points in her favor.</p><p>She would ask Carina if she could take her out sometime and she hoped to get a positive answer and not have a whole conversation about it. But she knew it was a possibility Carina would take it there and she was also prepared for that. In which case, she would tell Carina she liked her and not just because of the sex and that she would like to take her on a date and see her outside her apartment to get to know her better, if the other woman was interested. </p><p>She nipped playfully at the base of Carina’s spine and, taking a deep breath of sweet coconut shampoo, she figures she ought to start this honesty journey sooner rather than later, Carina having unknowingly given her the perfect opportunity. She wasn’t a fan of admitting she didn’t excel at something she had set her mind to… “No but seriously, we tried but it didn’t come out so good. The sauce was all wrong and the veggies were overcooked” she admitted.</p><p>Carina looked at Maya over her shoulder, eyebrows arching, and mouth set in a half smile of pity. Maya was not-so-casually looking only at Carina’s shoulder and the Italian could imagine it was hard for her to admit she tried something and failed, knowing Maya’s desire to excel at everything. Carina held back the chuckle that threatened to bubble out of her. “It can be tricky to make” she nodded sagely, Maya finally looking up at her “I’ll show you how it’s done sometime.”</p><p>She was rewarded with a sweet smile and the blonde opened her mouth, only getting so far as “Speaking of…” when Carina’s phone beeped with an incoming alert. </p><p>“Sorry” Carina untangled herself from Maya and swatted at the air on the side of the bed, collecting her purse. She rummaged in, held the device up and swiped the notification away from her lock screen which is a photo of her son, all dimples and smiles, wavy blonde hair, his mother’s brown eyes and decked out in yellow rain gear. “Just a reminder. I have to pick up Matteo’s prescription”</p><p>Maya raised her head from the pillow “Is he okay?”</p><p>“Yes. He has asthma. It’s usually mild but it’s picked up a little with the winter”</p><p>“Oh ok. I guess it’s good his mom is a doctor” Maya smiled. “He looks like you” she indicated Carina’s phone with her chin, her right hand stroking soft brown locks behind the doctor’s ear.</p><p>“You think so?” Carina said, looking back at her phone. The screensaver is a snapshot of Matteo from a few months back in his new rain gear Carina bought him to play around at the park when it’s rainy and muddy. He had been so excited by the new outfit, complete with boots and hat, Carina barely managed to get a decent shot of him before he’d run off. </p><p>Maya took a closer look at the image, snuggling ever closer to Carina in the process. The kid looked happy and smiley, and he had a twinkle in his eyes that reminded Maya of his mother. “He has your eyes. And your smile” she stated.</p><p>“I think he looks like my nonno.” At Maya’s questioning look, she explained “My grandfather. He had blonde hair too. My nonna says the same thing when I call her on FaceTime.”</p><p>“Your grandmother FaceTimes?” Maya asks incredulously, propping her head on her open palm.</p><p>Carina laughs “One of her great progress in life since Matteo was born. She didn’t want to miss seeing him. She doesn’t fully <cite> get </cite> it, but she’ll call me and ask me to call her back on Facetime so… progress”</p><p>Maya chuckles, fingers still stroking Carina’s hair “That’s great! I’m sure she misses him. And you”</p><p>“Yeah, I miss her too. I’m planning on taking Matteo to visit her this summer. It’s not exactly soon but she’s looking forward to it.”</p><p>“Maybe you can FaceTime me when you’re there.” The words just flew straight out of Maya’s mouth before she has a chance to think them over and her eyes widen with the realization. The implication is clear as day and that is really not how she wanted this to happen… maybe she can still backtrack. </p><p>She’s scrambling to come up with something to say when Carina gasps. Oh god, I freaked her out, Maya thinks. “Badass firefighter Maya Bishop wants to FaceTime me when I’ll be in Italy… will you miss me bella?” her voice is light and teasing and relief spreads through Maya, fast and fierce, and she exhales, chuckling and drops her head on Carina’s bare shoulder. </p><p>The doctor wasn’t freaked out by Maya’s word-vomit and the blonde tightens her arms around her brunette lover, essentially spooning her at this point. She’s about to suggest they go get some food, maybe a quick lunch date when Carina gently taps at Maya’s hands around her middle. Maya lets go of her and Carina gets up, explaining she has to leave for work. </p><p>Maya is a little taken aback, her arms suddenly feeling cold and empty, but she knows how important Carina’s job is. </p><p>“I don’t think I’ll be able to see you until after the holidays” Carina announces as she redresses, the blonde watching her quietly from the bed. “Christmas is a week away and I have so much to do and work’s crazy too.”</p><p>“Oh… Ok. Any plans for New Year’s?”</p><p>“Yeah, there’s a party at Rafael’s hotel, pretty fancy thing, it’s his first major event here, he’s a little nervous”</p><p>Well, ok then. Maya isn’t sure what she expected when asking the question but not this. She doesn’t really know what to say and she decides to hold out and examine the twisty feeling in her gut when she’s alone. </p><p>“But I’ll text you, bella.” The doctor is now fully dressed, and she clambers back on the bed, brackets Maya’s hips and drops a kiss on her lips. “I have to go if I want to pick up the prescription and take a shower before work. Have a great day” she whispers that last part against Maya’s lips and jumps up, exiting the bedroom and a moment later the apartment. </p><p>That did not go according to Maya’s plan.</p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>This is not going according to Carina’s plan. </p><p>Matteo is so wired up, she thinks her son might actually end up glued to the ceiling fan. He’s almost two and actually gets the idea of Christmas and being surrounded by Meredith’s older kids, who know all about Christmas with candy and chocolate and Amelia and Link’s son who is right around the same age had its jolly effect and her boy is effectively electrified. He runs around wildly, squealing, his little body seemingly unable to contain his excitement as all the kids chase each other through an obstacle course in Meredith’s kids’ playroom while Rafael and Link encourage them, whooping loudly and drinking spiked eggnog. </p><p>Carina is laying on the sofa, surrounded by candy wrappers and surveying the scene. She can see part of Scout jumping up and down from where she is and can only assume her son isn’t far from him, doing the exact same thing. On her right, Maggie has her feet up on the table and eyes closed, evidently used to the noise coming from the next room when Amelia collapses on her other side.</p><p>“They’re like drug addicts, but with sugar” she states, gesturing vaguely towards the noise “The highs are high, like this right now. And the lows are real low, that should be coming soon”</p><p>Carina chuckles. Andrea and then Meredith had invited them to her house for Christmas Eve, saying it was a simple night mostly for the kids. Andrea was in good spirits, he had read to the children and played some guitar. Carina was pleased to see him looking well after a few rough weeks; he’d been up and down for months really but at least he seemed relatively happy lately. He was training with a new doctor that specializes in complex diagnoses and it seemed to feed his overactive mind in the right way. He and Meredith had disappeared upstairs, and Carina figured they were getting some Christmas Eve fun of their own while the house is loud and busy. </p><p>She and Amelia chat some more, Carina detailing their adventure taking Matteo to meet Santa. Her boy had been excited up until he actually saw him and then cowered in Raf’s arms which meant they had a very awkward photo of Matteo screaming his head off next to a non-plussed Santa. Maggie joins in with a story of her own, until she receives a call from the hospital, looking to update her on one of her critical patients and moves to the kitchen.</p><p>“You and Rafael seem good.” Amelia’s voice drops “You said you were surprised he took the firefighter barbie news so well. No changes there?”</p><p>“That nickname is sticking…” Carina laments. “And no, he hasn’t mentioned anything except to ask if I’d be seeing her over the holidays”</p><p>“And are you?” Amelia asks, looking at her seriously.</p><p>“No” Carina answers. “It’s a family holiday.” She wants to enjoy every moment with her family. Besides, she thinks Maya probably has her own plans with family and friends and really, it’s better that way. She can’t imagine taking time away from her son to be with Maya. </p><p>She can now hear the kids singing some Christmas song and they get up to join them, Amelia mumbling that she hopes it will calm Scout down. Carina agrees and smiles when she sees Matteo trying to climb on his father’s back. Rafael is sitting on the floor, a reindeer headband on his head and Carina joins him, singing softly. </p><p>It’s a simple American song but she knows the lyrics and sings happily with the older kids and adults joining in. Even Meredith and Andrea reappear, faces flushed and start singing like they never left. Matteo jumps over and snuggles up to her, insisting she wear a reindeer headband and calling her “mama reindeer”. Rafael wraps his arms around them, and they all try to sing songs from a playlist until the children finally settle down and they head back home.</p><p>Christmas day is a much quieter affair. Matteo wakes up fairly late which lets his parents sleep in. He plays with the wrapping paper and cardboard boxes of his presents and then focuses on an obnoxious, talking duck that sings nursery rhymes for the rest of the day even when Andrea, having joined them for brunch, tries to distract him with a book while Carina and Rafael are video chatting on the tablet with family abroad. </p><p>When Carina puts Matteo down for his afternoon nap, Rafael and Andrea having both taken over the kitchen for an Italian/Spanish cook-off, she wishes Maya a very merry Christmas and hopes she’s enjoying her holiday. </p><p>Then, Carina rejoins the kitchen. At the end of the day, and despite the kitchen looking like a war zone, they have a nice blend of food to enjoy together. The evening is noisy and animated, Matteo basking in all the attention from the adults and Carina enjoys every moment. It’s only when she slips into bed that night that she checks her phone. </p><p>
  <cite> Merry Christmas to you too! I’m thinking of you xo </cite>
</p><p>And Maya’s message makes her smile as she closes her eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I keep getting ideas for this fic so it might be longer or I may make it into a series.. anyone interested in reading that? </p><p>And also, how cute is Marina lately?! Can't wait to find out if Greys/Station is renewed for next season... </p><p>Hope you guys are well and staying safe!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this takes place immediately after last chapter, it's a continuation of the Christmas/NY holidays and it really should have been one big chapter but here you go...<br/>Translations are right in there cause who wants to wait til the end notes to read them lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Coming!” A beat. Some shuffling and the door opens “Maya, hi! Merry Christmas!”</p><p>Pruitt Herrera wears a big smile and a Christmas sweater that says, ‘Here comes Santa floss’ and Maya can’t help the smile on her face. He looks down at her simple yet elegant green velvet shirt and his smile drops. </p><p>“Bishop! It’s Christmas! Where’s your sweater? It’s basically a rule around here” he scolds lightly, ushering her in the house. </p><p>“Sorry, sorry! But I brought booze… and dessert” she presents a box from that special bakery downtown she knows her former Captain loves, and he immediately grabs it, a questioning look on his face. </p><p>“Is that…”</p><p>“Double chocolate Christmas pudding cake” she confirms, grinning. </p><p>“Oh yess! I knew you wouldn’t let me down Bishop!” He wraps an arm around her shoulder and guides her to the kitchen. “Andy is on my case about my diet but it’s Christmas so I will eat cake” he whispers loudly just as they enter the kitchen to see Andy hovering at the counter checking on the oven. </p><p>“Not apologizing for caring about your health” she says monotonously, eyes focused on the inside of the oven. She turns around and gives Maya a small smile that looks more like a grimace and a wave which the blonde reciprocates and just like that, it’s awkward. </p><p>Andy’s dad drops his arms from around Maya’s shoulders and takes a deep breath “Fix yourselves” he instructs before leaving the room, cake in hand. </p><p>Christmas lunch at the Herrera’s has been a tradition of Maya’s since she and Andy were in their second year at the Fire Academy. One night, Maya had confided in Andy that her family wasn’t big on the holiday and that she was planning on stopping by to see her parents for dinner but otherwise would go about her day as normal. </p><p>Andy had been surprised and incredulous. In her house, Christmas was a celebration. Not only were they fairly religious and went to Midnight Mass but her father had made it a fun tradition for Andy wherein he invited his firefighter brothers and sisters without family or family that was too far away, to join them. The day would be filled with fun, good food, and salsa dancing and, as Andy grew older, the snowball fights slowly turned into booze-fueled games in her living room. </p><p>Both women had fond memories of Christmas in that very house which contrasted drastically with the loaded silence that grew between them as Andy started setting the table and Maya moved to help her. They worked quietly and efficiently, exchanging a few words, memories of previous holidays swimming in both of their minds. </p><p>Maya desperately wanted to break the tension, but she wasn’t sure what to tell her best friend to accomplish that and it made her sadder than she was willing to admit. She always knew just what to tell Andy. To make her laugh; to make her roll her eyes or even to get the other woman to drop her guard and talk to her. But that was before.</p><p>Since their tiff in the bar the night she almost hooked up with Carina, they’d had only a few exchanges that weren’t about work. Those conversations were stilted and salty, both women not quite knowing how to deal with the other and both holding on tightly to their pride. It had been almost 3 months and Maya couldn’t believe time had flown so fast and that she’d allowed this rift with Andy to continue growing all along. She missed her best friend, the woman she could confide in and who made Maya feel like maybe everything would be ok. </p><p>“What’d those candles ever do to you?” Maya’s head snaps up and meets Andy’s half smile. “Your gotta work on your poker face” she says lightly.</p><p>Maya may have been frowning at the candles she’d just set in the middle of the table. Maybe. </p><p>“Some people say I have a great poker face.” Maya answers matching Andy’s tone. </p><p>She can tell the implied statement is not lost on Andy. The Latina hasn’t been just ‘some people’ to her since practically the day they met, and that fact hangs heavily between them.</p><p>Andy smooths out invisible wrinkles on the crisp white tablecloth and looks up at Maya, eyes steady and serious “Look Maya, it’s Christmas. And we have such good memories of Christmas here and I just think… can we just be cool? At least today.”</p><p>“I think we owe it to each other to get past this. I know it won’t be easy, but I’ll be here. Whenever you want to talk, I’m here.”</p><p>Andy seems to consider this, eyes squinting, and Maya can tell, biting the inside of her lower lip. It’s quiet and the blonde is about to change the subject to lighten the mood when Andy answers “Okay.”</p><p>They move on to talking about the father-daughter love of chocolate pudding cake and are laughing lightly, remembering a previous Christmas where they attempted to bake the dessert and it turned out burnt and misshapen, when Jack and Dean come in with baby Pru who is dressed as Santa’s elf - the baby had recently turned a year old and was all chubby cheeks and round dark eyes and even Maya had to admit looked kind of cute in the overkill outfit.</p><p>Their arrival kicked off the Christmas cheer and soon, they were all laughing, spreading about the house and getting comfortable. They had lunch and Maya watched, disbelieving and admittedly a little grossed out, as Dean fed Pru (sort of) and the baby ended up with more food on her little outfit, face and hair then in her mouth. She wondered if that’s how Carina spent the day. Her kid was a little older but weren’t all babies sticky, slobbery and exhausting? </p><p>Finally, Maya sobered up around mid-afternoon, thinking it was soon time to join her family for Christmas dinner. The blonde looked around her - she liked it here. It was warm and relaxed, and she envied Andy a little bit because her own childhood home was not the same. Her family was very much goal-oriented, like Maya herself, and Christmas was a day to have a few snickerdoodles and sleep in for a few extra hours but beyond that, it was not cause for extra celebrations.</p><p>As a child, she remembered she and her brother Mason got to pick a Christmas movie to watch after lunch before their mandated Christmas workout. Their father always said he wasn’t raising overweight losers that just sat on the sofa, so they were out running and working out even on Christmas. It didn’t really bother Maya, she loved to be active. However, she knew it wasn’t Mason’s cup of tea - he rather preferred drawing quietly - but she never said anything, and the few times Mason tried to, she always shut him up, feeling he just had to get with the program. After all, the whole family had to, it was how their dad showed he cared. </p><p>Yes, her father was not the easiest man to live with. He could be though and stubborn and he was quick to anger but it all came from a place of love, Maya knew that. He loved her and he always looked out for his family and wanted the best for them. He was the whole reason Maya was everything she was and everything she could be - she owed him so much. With that thought, she sent him a text saying she would be there soon; then, she answered Carina’s Christmas text and finally said her goodbyes to the team before slowly hitting the road to her parents’ house. </p><p>Christmas dinner was uneventful. Her mother had cooked her usual meal and asked Maya her usual questions; the two hadn’t been really close since Maya was a teenager. Unlike her daughter, Katherine Bishop was feeble and fainthearted and Maya could not connect with her as she had as a child - she just didn’t feel that bond anymore. In fact, Maya knew both of her parents were drastically different from each other and she figured she was so similar to her father it was only natural they would develop a stronger bond. If Mason was still around, she supposed he’d be more like their mother and maybe she wouldn’t be so sad anymore.</p><p>“So, Maya! Peer reviews are coming up! How’d you take care of that?” Lane Bishop asked boisterously, once Maya finished answering her mother’s polite questions about her team. </p><p>“What do you mean, dad?” </p><p>“Well, what did you tell your team? You know you have to remind them of who’s the best woman for the job… can’t let them be unsure when they give their reviews”</p><p>“Um… Reviews are personal, I’m not sure I can talk to them other than to encourage them to be honest.” Maya was at a loss, suddenly becoming nervous, pushing food around her plate. Her brain was racing, and she realized her father was right. She should have done more to prepare the team for the upcoming peer reviews, but she just assumed they would be open and honest, and she needn’t bring it up with them, lest they think she was trying to coerce them. </p><p>Her father was eerily silent, lips pinched, and face closed off and Maya could feel a cold sweat breaking out over her back. She’d screwed this up and he was disappointed in her. Off course he was, the best of the best don’t get there by leaving anything up to chance, he’d say. </p><p>Maya could feel the beginnings of a fog of uncertainty starting to surround her with each passing second. She couldn’t afford to let her team give their reviews without making sure they knew she was the best choice for the captain position. She became more lost in the dark fog of her brain as she considered how to go about this and an image of Christmas with them a few hours earlier flashed in her mind. She and Andy were finally somewhere close to okay - this would ruin it. But when she really thought about it, she could not say for absolute certain how each one of them would review her. Unacceptable. She had to know. And for that, she needed to get over herself and have serious conversations with them and make sure to hammer the right opinion in their skull. </p><p>“But you’re right” Maya added quickly “I will talk to them; I should have done it before. Doesn’t hurt to give them a refresher” she smiled, desperately trying to find a way out of the fog and lift up the sudden tension around the dinner table. </p><p>“What’s our motto, Maya?” Lane Bishop asked sternly, fixing Maya with his steely blue gaze. </p><p>“Eyes forward, the only thing that matters is the finish line” Maya answered immediately.</p><p>“And how do you get there?”</p><p>“Preparation, determination, abnegation.”</p><p>“Exactly. You already know what to do” he nodded firmly. “So go out there and do it, big boss” he added, voice light and encouraging and Maya nodded, feeling like he’d lighted a clear pathway and she could finally get out of the fog and come home. </p><p>----</p><p>“This is pretty cool, he really went all out, didn’t he?” Amelia points at the ceiling. There is a clock made out of light that shines brightly, illuminating the entire room. </p><p>It’s New Year’s Eve and Carina, Rafael, Link and Amelia are all spending the evening at the hotel Rafael manages. It’s part of a popular chain of hotels all over the world and he’d been hard at work for weeks, meticulously planning this moment. It’s a black-tie event and congregates not only hotel guests but also some of Seattle’s socialite elite for a full night of festivities. </p><p>Carina has heard all of Rafael’s nervous rambles about planning this event and how he needed to find the perfect balance of fun, elegance and levity and she was glad to see that the party seemed to be a success with people enjoying themselves, even the group of snobby socialites he’d pointed out to Carina earlier in the evening. </p><p>The room is in a main rectangle shape with double ceiling and huge hanging chandeliers where most of the action takes place with a stage on one side and double French doors all around the room except for the back which is elevated and arranged to lead into several smaller VIP sections overlooking the main area. That’s where Carina, Amelia and Link are sitting, having an animated discussion about the pros and cons of travelling, with Link diving into a year long back packing trip where he took on odd jobs to get by. </p><p>Rafael joins them periodically, evidently still working and overlooking everything behind the scenes. He’d officially introduced Carina to his colleagues and even the hotel’s regional manager, who had decided to join the party with his wife, and she could spot him now, from the corner of her eye, at the front of the room talking with a waiter as her eyes sweep over the room, noticing the clock getting closer to midnight. </p><p>Unbidden, a thought of Maya springs into her mind. She’s probably out drinking and celebrating with some friends and Carina frowns when she remembers she hasn’t heard anything from the blonde firefighter since Christmas day and that Maya is probably going to pick up some random person to properly ring in the new year in her bed. She’d have every right to, after all, she’s an interesting, attractive single woman. </p><p>“Still worried about Matteo? He’s going to be just fine, the sitter said they’re sleeping soundly. And if the noise does wakes him up, she’ll handle it. She’s used to the craziness with all these kids” Amelia chuckles, bumping Carina’s shoulder gently. </p><p>Carina’s brain scrambles to make sense of what Amelia is saying when she looks back down and sees both Amelia and Link looking at her, Link nodding reassuringly. </p><p>“Yes, I know. I’m just still not sure about letting him sleep over, I think we should just pick him up tonight, I don’t want him to wake up and be confused as to where he is” she covers quickly, feeling a little ashamed that she was thinking about Maya when she should be more concerned about her son, who they left at Meredith’s house for the night with the kids’ usual babysitter and a loud New Year’s Eve party next door. </p><p>“That’s up to you guys, if you don’t need extra time and quiet to nurse a hangover, pick him up on your way home. Either way, no drinking for me so I’ve got the kids in the morning for everyone to sleep in” she leans back in the velvet sofa, “the joys of being an addict” she makes her point by sipping at her club soda, eyes teasing and Carina laughs. </p><p>“This is only my third drink” she points at her glass of champagne. They’d agreed to start the night with a sober round of drinks in solidarity with the brain surgeon. This suited Carina just fine as she was not a heavy drinker and preferred to keep a clear mind. Off course, she’d had her fun while in medical school and even after, but that part of her life was over and she no longer liked, or even saw the point, in getting black out drunk. </p><p>She hears Link protest that he’s only had a few beers and sees Amelia soothe him with a smile, rubbing his hand. They are a good couple, both considerate, funny and low maintenance, and Carina truly enjoys the times she gets to spend with them. She’s happy that Amelia and herself had so easily bonded when Carina first approached her about becoming her research partner, wanting to capitalize on the youngest Shepherd’s extensive knowledge of all things brain related. </p><p>Here they were, several months in and their research is actually going well, Carina feeling proud of the fact that they had recently made an interesting breakthrough. Moreover, Amelia had become a close confidante and dear friend of hers, both women sharing an innate curiosity, a deep love of learning and young sons around the same age. They’d even recently signed both boys up for weekly Gymboree play and music classes and Carina fondly remembers seeing the two little blonde heads rolling and stretching around the soft play area. </p><p>“Everybody ready to say adios to 2020?” comes Rafael’s voice from behind her. She turns around, smiling when spots him doing the shoulder shimmy, a huge red pair of 2021 glasses sitting on his nose, and jazz hands contrasting wildly with his formal black-tie attire. </p><p>“Hell yeah” both Link and Amelia cheer, raising their glasses. </p><p>“Then let’s dance!” Rafael bows in front of Carina and extends his hand in a flurry of movement <cite> “Bailamos hermosa” </cite> {Let’s dance, beautiful} and she smiles, grabbing his hand and dragging Amelia up along behind her.</p><p>The four of them remain in their own VIP section and Carina is glad for it. She noticed the dancefloor started getting quite busy and didn’t really want to be in the middle of that crowd. The energy of the room was getting more amped up as the clock kept moving ever closer to midnight. </p><p>Link wraps his arms around Amelia while Carina lets Rafael sway her to the rhythm of the upbeat song playing loudly from the overhead speakers. </p><p>Suddenly, the whole room becomes illuminated in vibrant purple light and several digital clocks appear on all sides. They happily start chanting out the countdown until horns start blaring, followed by a cascade of huge black, white and gold balloons falling on top of them accompanied by loud cheers, screams and music. </p><p>Carina joins in the festivities, whooping happily when Rafael pulls her close and whispers in her ear <cite> “Feliz Ano Nuevo hermosa. El leoncito y tu son lo mejor que la vida me dio. Por muchos años mas” </cite> {Happy New Year beautiful. The little lion and you are the best things life gave me. Here’s to many more years.}</p><p>He pulls back, hazel eyes soft and twinkly, the purple light making his dark hair glow and before she can know what or why, Carina kisses him - his lips are firm and familiar, and she buries her fingers in his short hair. He pulls back quickly and looks into her eyes, searching. </p><p>She holds his stare and finally, he nods, pulling her back against him eagerly, his soft lips making the entire room slip away from her as she kisses him back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just got around to watching station 19 4x12 and omg it was so well done and beautiful, I teared up. I usually don't really care for Dean but the actor owned that crying scene with the therapist. She's so awesome btw!</p><p>Let me know what you think! Hope you guys are good!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Been meaning to post this before but this week's been crazy and it's only wednesday lol. </p><p>Stay safe y'all!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She doesn’t understand what’s happening to her. She can’t feel her body. Can’t feel her skin. Can’t hear the cries. Can barely see the hunched form sinking to the floor in front of her. </p><p>Distantly, she remembers a beach day in her native Sicily when she was a child. She loved swimming and always ran in the sea as soon as her feet hit the sand. Her mother called her a little dolphin. Carina liked that; she had felt like one. </p><p>Until one day, she’d been pulled under by a big wave. What probably lasted seconds had seemed like whole minutes, hours even, to her scared mind. She’d tried so hard to break to the surface but had been unable to, relentlessly pulled under by the current. She couldn’t feel her body then too and quickly panicked. She remembers hearing the distant sounds of her mother screaming. </p><p>When Lucia DeLuca finally grabbed onto her and brought her back to shore, she was wailing and coughing, her entire body almost convulsing and throat burning. </p><p>That was when Carina knew she wasn’t a dolphin. Dolphins could survive underwater whereas she could not. </p><p>Unlike that experience, Carina doesn’t panic now. She sees what is happening, but it’s muffled, just like when she’d been stuck underwater, desperately searching for air. </p><p>However, she’s disturbed by her vision. So, she reaches up to check what’s making it so blurry and her hands come away shaking and wet with tears. She’s crying, she notes distantly. She thought Andrea was the one crying. But she can barely hear him, and she can’t reach out to him, rooted to the spot as she is, body limp and useless. </p><p>Carina needs air. She cannot be here right now. She needs to leave this place and get to shore. But she can’t move. She can just stand there, watching as her little brother crumples to the floor of Bailey’s office, sobs racking his body as he whines and thrashes in distress. </p><p>Suddenly she feels a tentative touch and then gentle, yet strong hands wrap around her shoulders, and Chief Bailey steps in front of her, face concerned and mouth moving with words that she can’t make out. Bailey pulls Carina out the door and sits her in a chair in the hallway. She feels a soothing motion on her back and sees Maggie sitting next to her, the other woman’s warm body pulling her into a side hug and Carina slowly sags into it. </p><p>Eventually, Carina focuses on her own breathing and pulse, her senses coming back to her. </p><p>She can see inside the chief’s office from where they sit and she watches as Bailey and Webber talk to her brother, who appears calmer than earlier when he loudly accused a woman of being a child trafficker and then violently broke down on the floor of that same office.</p><p>Maggie just rubs her back and sits with her. She doesn’t offer empty platitudes and Carina is glad for it. </p><p>Abruptly, the office door is ripped opened and Andrew storms out, racing down the hallway. Carina gets up, ready to chase after him when Dr. Webber stops her, encouraging her to sit down with him. Maggie looks unsure what to do but decides to give them a moment, squeezing Carina’s hand comfortingly before offering Webber her seat.</p><p>Dr. Webber explains that her brother refused to take the suspension Bailey offered him for his outburst and treatment of his patient and quit his job instead. He anticipates Carina’s reaction and placates her with his overall calm demeanor, gentle voice and soulful eyes and Carina tells him everything. About her father’s undiagnosed bipolar disorder, her brother’s disturbing behavior and her fears that he has inherited the disease. He listens to her; never interrupting and finally, promises her she and her brother aren’t alone and they will all find a way to get Andrea the help and support that he needs. </p><p>Somehow, Carina believes him. There is something about the older doctor that compels the brunette to trust and listen to him - so she does. She takes a deep breath, looks up and rises, determined to help her brother. </p><p>Half an hour later, Carina had found Meredith who explained her deal with Andrea so that he didn’t quit, and she was relieved but still wouldn’t take a proper breath until she’d seen and talked to Andrea. </p><p>It’s only the 3rd of the month and Carina feels like 2021 is already putting her through hell. Thankfully, she was only meant to work in the lab with Amelia today. Her first day back after New Year’s. The day after exchanging kisses at the strike of midnight, she and Rafael had agreed to have a conversation about their future that kept getting interrupted by family FaceTime calls, her brother and even their own son so that they agreed to schedule it with the idea that it would give them both time to sort out their thoughts and feelings. </p><p>But now, with Andrea’s latest setback, Carina cannot find it in herself to think about anything other than her baby brother and how she must get him through this. She sends Amelia a text excusing herself and leaves the hospital, headed straight to Andrea’s place. </p><p>When she finally reaches his place, her brother is the very definition of manic high energy. He is doing research about child trafficking and moving erratically around his apartment, talking fast; his mouth seemingly unable to keep up with his brain. He even knocks his head against the wall several times and Carina is suddenly glad she grabbed what she needs from the hospital for just that.  </p><p>She isn’t proud of herself, but she knows what she needs to do to help him relax and sleep. It is what she’s done for her father as soon as she was old enough to understand the cycle of mania that overtook his mind. She pours them both glasses of juice and adds the sleep aid in his glass, ignoring the twinge of guilt that shoots through her. </p><p>Then, she listens, and quietly responds until he gets sleepy, and she encourages him to bed. </p><p>She watches him pass out and sits with him, feeling like she had when she’d watched their father collapse in bed from a sleep aid pill she administered after a violent episode. </p><p>It is a familiar cycle for her. And her heart hurts with it. </p><p>The brunette’s mind is in complete disarray. She keeps wondering why her sweet baby brother has to suffer like their father - he does not deserve that. He is intelligent, kind, stubborn and passionate and the longer this disease takes hold of his mind, the more she ceases to recognize him, and her heart breaks a little more each time. She can’t lose him. She refuses to lose him like she lost her father. </p><p>With that thought, Carina leaves the appartement, placing an urgent phone call while she takes the stairs down to the lobby. </p><p>-----</p><p>So maybe this wasn’t her brightest idea. In fact, it was probably a mistake. She was just overwhelmed and really needed an outlet. <cite> Fanculo </cite> {Fuck it}, she’s already there and already knocked, she can’t exactly run off now. </p><p>She hears a shuffle, and the door opens. The first thing Carina sees is Maya’s familiar deep ocean blue eyes. She looks a little tired but smiles at Carina, stepping aside to let her in. </p><p>Carina steps inside the apartment and immediately notices that the place is dark, the curtains are drawn, and the air is stale. She frowns, looking around. She’s suddenly nervous and hoping to spot something out of the ordinary that would explain why it feels different than what she’s gotten used to over the course of their tryst. Eyes sweeping over the room, she can’t see any obvious difference. The place is still as immaculate and organized as ever so her eyes circle back to the blonde firefighter. She sees it now. </p><p>Maya has dark circles under her eyes and her usual energetic, flirty, and confident exterior seems deflated. Carina can’t say for sure what it is about the blonde, but something is off.</p><p>Maya’s eyes are sweeping down Carina’s body, never meeting her own as she stalks closer to the Italian. </p><p>The firefighter did not expect the impromptu text from the Italian asking if she was busy and if they could meet. The message was forward to say the least and it teared a small smile out of her when she read it. </p><p>This was Maya’s second day break, and she’d planned on spending it much like the first day: in the dark, by herself, only leaving the apartment to go on her daily runs. Vic now spent her days off at Ripley’s, having moved some her stuff into his place, which allowed Maya some much-needed alone time. </p><p>She craved the punishment, the privacy. She knew the loneliness and the silence only allowed guilt and rage to consume her. Which was fine. Good, even. She deserved that. If she was honest with herself, she deserved much more and certainly not being the Captain of 19. </p><p>She had been the Shift-Captain that day, all the responsibility came down on her. That family was dead <cite> because </cite> she wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t fast enough. Wasn’t resourceful enough. </p><p>A man had come home to a burning house, a dead wife and children and it was all her fault. Maya would never forget the sight of this man breaking down in front of her as she told him they were unable to rescue his family. His scream of agony was forever embedded in her brain. </p><p>The fire had spread fast, so fast it rendered the house unstable, and Maya stood there, ordering her team on venting and hydrant, knowing deep down she’d lost the family.</p><p>And she hated herself for it. </p><p>Finding the source of the fire during overhaul – a plugged-in curling iron – did not bring any comfort nor did it bring the family back.</p><p>Maya didn’t usually let losses affect her privately, she had learnt to have a disconnect from it so she could go on to save other people who needed her. But this one she couldn’t move past. All she felt was guilt and disgust and rage. This was her first personal loss as a Captain. Which is why she’d allowed Carina to come by her place, even if she wasn’t in the best mental shape. Carina could help. She made Maya forget to breathe, forget to think, even forget her own name. Selfishly, she wanted that. Just for a little bit. </p><p>She refused to think about that anymore now that her eyes were on those impossibly long legs, pert breasts, and delectable lips. She stepped closer to Carina, undressing her rapidly, eyes focused on the brunette’s layers of soft and thick winter clothes. </p><p>For her part, Carina let Maya take off her jacket and outerwear, trying to catch the blonde’s gaze with her own, hoping maybe she could understand what was going on with Maya if she looked into her eyes.</p><p>Eventually she did manage to catch Maya’s gaze, and for a second, she looked in such pain, Carina’s breath caught. Maya reminded her of her brother, so much pain and a flash of something else, almost like anger, at her it seemed. </p><p>Andrea had been furious with her for not taking his side with the child trafficking situation and Maya also seemed angry but for the life of her, Carina could not figure out why. </p><p>Maya led Carina to her bedroom, wanting to get on with it. She didn’t like that Carina insisted on holding eye contact. The blonde felt cornered, unsafe and she needed to assert her independence so she plowed on, quickly taking off the rest of Carina’s clothes and leaving bruising, insistent kisses on her neck, hands wandering roughly over any expanse of skin she could touch. </p><p>Carina had already seen sexually-frustrated-Maya, but this wasn’t it. She gasped as Maya bit harshly at her shoulder. The blonde had always been focused on Carina when they were intimate; even though they had never put a label on this thing between them, she was invariably attentive, gentle, yet passionate. </p><p>Their intimacy was a mix of give and take and both women paid attention to each other, checking in and generally making sure to share the moment. It was something Carina knew from experience and research made the sex so much better – and part of what made their connection so thrilling. </p><p>However, this Maya is different, rash and detached, almost. It confuses Carina but she came to her for a distraction and obviously Maya needs one as well. </p><p>They collapse on the bed and Maya’s right hand immediately drops to Carina’s core, spreading her teasingly. Maya’s glazed over eyes finally focus on hers and Carina opens her mouth, hearing the word “Stop” fall from her lips. </p><p>The firefighter’s face registers surprise and then confusion. </p><p>She backs off, her weight suddenly gone from Carina as she sits back on her haunches, hands hovering mid-air uncertainly, a slight frown on her face “What happened? Did I hurt you?” she asks. </p><p>Carina immediately feels cold without Maya’s body covering hers and she scrambles to sit up as well “No, it’s not that. I just, I …”  She looks at Maya’s downcast expression and suddenly, her own inner turmoil and overworking brain slows down and readjusts. All her concerns are relocated to the backburner - Andrea’s mental health, Rafael and their looming conversation about their future - it all falls away to a light humming in the back of her head. She can breathe again. And Maya is her sole focus. </p><p>It’s unexpected and the feeling takes her by complete surprise. </p><p>She’s been spinning since Andrea’s breakdown at work and no matter how much she tried to force herself to get a grip and cope quickly and efficiently so she can help her little brother, the truth is that she was struggling. Her mind stuck on panic and anger and fear at Andrea’s obvious mental state and whenever she tried to hold on to something, anything to help her figure out how to guide him, her mind wouldn’t allow her to. </p><p>She’d left Andrea’s apartment intent on finding a doctor to diagnose and treat him and felt hopeful about the referral she got from her colleague at Grey-Sloan who assured her they would be able to see Andrea soon.  </p><p>But the relief of that phone call had lasted seconds and then she was back to feeling shaky and agitated, which was unusual and the reason why she’d contacted Maya in the first place. She needed to ground herself and maybe a distraction would do the trick.</p><p>Carina is a doctor. A problem-solver. A compartmentalizer, for sure. </p><p>She would help her brother with his mental health issues and ensure he would be okay. Her brain saw the problem, figured out how to fix it and then dedicated herself to doing just that: it was a familiar to Carina. It was how she treated her patients. How she went about her life really, keeping all her balls nice and up in the air without stumbling. </p><p>But the blonde was clearly in a bad place, behaving so unlike herself, it triggered every alarm in Carina’s body. </p><p>“You seem… not yourself. Is everything okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m fine” Maya answers dismissively. She doesn’t like where this is headed and feels beyond exposed as she frowns at the air over Carina’s shoulder and grits her teeth. </p><p>“I don’t think it is” Carina says softly. “Maya, I, uh…” Carina swallows “I want you to know that you can talk to me. Whatever it is. Remember I’m a good listener.” </p><p>Maya doesn’t say anything, but her body language is still as tense as ever so Carina tries a different approach. “Is it your work? You mentioned that you were gonna to get your grades from colleagues…”</p><p>Maya sighs and the corner of her lips give an upturn at that “Peer reviews” she corrects.</p><p>Carina snaps her long, slim fingers <cite> “Eccolo qua! </cite> {There it is}. Peer reviews.” Maya smiles a little more at that, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “So, what’s your grade?” the brunette asks lightly, purposely using the word ‘grade’ as it seems to make the blonde more relaxed, if only because she corrects her vocabulary. </p><p>“Won’t know for a while” is the only short answer Maya can think to give. She isn’t in a rush to explain how she failed spectacularly at something she’s worked so hard for. </p><p>“Okay but how do you feel about it? Come on, I want to know.” They’re still in bed, facing each other. Carina lightly drags a finger down Maya’s shoulder and realizes the truth of her words when she speaks them. She does want to know. She wants Maya to talk to her. She cares about the blonde firefighter who suddenly looks up at her with surprise and something else Carina can’t place. </p><p>“I don’t like to speculate. We’ll just see.” Maya doesn’t want to think about the reviews; even though they happened before the house fire, it makes her feel nothing but shame for ever even thinking she could make Firehouse Captain. </p><p>Since the incident during last shift, she can barely look at herself in the mirror and no matter what she tried she can’t bury the sounds or the images swimming behind her eyelids. </p><p>And the more Carina asks, the more vivid they get. </p><p>Maya can now feel a headache starting to throb painfully at the back of her skull. “Can we just NOT?” she asks brusquely, moving to get off the bed and searching for her discarded clothing. </p><p>The sounds of agony and visions of inferno are hitting her full force now and hot tears start prickling in her eyes. She shakes her head. She needs it to stop. </p><p>Carina is taken aback, watching the blonde helplessly from the bed. She’s even more concerned now so she pushes. “But, Maya, if you just talk…”</p><p>“NO Carina” Maya’s voice raises, cold and harsh. “You came here for sex and I tried to give you that, but you’re not interested so I don’t know what you want from me, ok. You’re <cite> not </cite> my girlfriend and I don’t need this, whatever <cite> this </cite> is, so if we’re not gonna hook up, you should just leave.” She spits, locating Carina’s pants on the floor and throwing them her way. </p><p>She’s now facing the bed, about to check underneath, when their eyes meet, and Maya sees the flash of shock and hurt that covers the brunette’s face. Carina is holding the sheet to her chest and she looks so small and hurt, Maya recoils at her own words. </p><p>In a second, everything dulls, and she feels awful. But her pride is also in full form. Why did Carina ask all these annoying questions, anyway? </p><p>She purses her lips and is about to apologize when the hurt leaves the doctor’s face, turning to anger and settling firmly on pride as she scoots towards the edge of the bed. </p><p>“Wow” she says, eyebrows raised in disbelief. “You’re right. I am not your girlfriend. Not even your friend, I guess. I shouldn’t have asked” she says pointedly, face closed off as she slips on her black slacks, locates her mustard blouse on the nightstand and quickly shoves it over her head. </p><p>Maya feels a pang in her chest. “Shit. Listen I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Maya sighs and rubs her temple tiredly. She stands there like an idiot as Carina quietly collects her stuff from the room. </p><p>“Don’t apologize for telling me how you feel.” Carina is hurt. Angry at Maya yes but also at herself. She knows better than this, she has enough problems on her own without pilling on other people’s problems as well. Especially when they don’t want or need her help. Her father had made that clear. </p><p>“It’s not that… I just…” Maya tries to make eye contact, and the irony isn’t lost on her as she follows the doctor to the living room. She has no idea how to talk to Carina, and watches her pile blazer, jacket, and scarf on her arm like an ambitious saleswoman and heading for the door. “Carina” she says her name - a last attempt to stop her from leaving.</p><p>The brunette stops. She takes a breath and turns around, face carefully expressionless. “It’s okay, Maya. I have to get back to work now.” </p><p>She turns back around, opening the front door and Maya still doesn’t know what to say. She is outwardly still but inside, she trashes. She’s aching. Almost physically reaching out for the Italian – her fingers twitch with it. She knows she must say something, anything. Maybe apologize again. She doesn’t want the brunette to leave. </p><p>Carina turns her head sideways, so Maya has a perfect view of her profile.</p><p><cite> “Addio” </cite> she whispers. And the door closes. </p><p>It’s suddenly unbearably quiet.</p><p>Maya wonders if this will be the last word she ever hears from Carina when grief and shame consume her yet again and she collapses in her bed. </p><p>Numb.</p>
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